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Breaking Up

How To Get Over A Breakup IMPORTANT Course Update

October 16, 2021 by Mark Shepard

I got an email from Caroline in Ireland who recently checked out my “How To Get Over A Breakup” course. Somehow in the midst of a busy life I’d managed to mess up one of the modules. And by “mess up” I mean a KEY component of Module 4 was missing.  THE key video that actually DELIVERED the technique that I was teaching. How to stop focusing on the loss, or the ex, or the belief that “I’ll never find anybody to love me” kind of emotional/cognitive “Loops” that we get stuck in… How to literally blast that pattern out of your neurology.

Pretty serious screwup. (Grateful to Caroline for letting me know! I’ve only been selling this course for FIVE years and NO ONE ever mentioned it MIGHT be missing a key video!)

Since it was a while ago… figuring out WHERE the heck the original files were on one of my many “backup” hard drives seemed like it would take more time than just redoing the darn thing…

So I re-did it. Got my white board and camera and went down to the river to do it live and in person.

That done, I added it to the course…. And of course (pun intended) the next day I had some more ideas as well as a question from ANOTHER course member which got me deep into “flow state” so I made 2 more videos.

So I want to share these 3 updates to one of my best selling courses so you can

a. experience what I do

b. get some help if you need it getting over any one, any thing, any time you find yourself stuck in an emotional loop or rut. This is one of the best tools for breaking out of the breakup emotional dumpster diving state that we all get stuck in from time to time.

c. get inspired by the idea that there IS hope! You CAN let go and move one in a healthy POSITIVE way after the end of a relationship.

Let me know if you have questions! Contact me

If you find these useful I highly encourage you to check out this course: How To Get Over A Breakup

Here’s the Missing Video (1 of 3):

Here’s the followup (2 of 3):

Here’s the followup to the followup video (3 of 3):

Here’s the link if you’re ready to check out this course: How To Get Over A Breakup

Filed Under: Articles, Breaking Up, Relationships, Self Hypnosis

How To Get Over A Break Up In 3 Minutes

April 26, 2017 by Mark Shepard

A song that I wrote waaaaaaay back in 1980 after a college romance ended, in retrospect was filled with some pretty powerful and sound advice…

Sometimes looking back on these songs I am amazed at how “schmart” I seemed… Somehow this “wise beyond my years” stuff kept pouring through my songs even back in 1980…

It just took me another 30 years to start to actually follow my own advice!

However, knowing all the NLP and hypnosis mind mastery stuff that I know now, this song probably saved my life even if I wasn’t consciously aware of it or always able to follow it’s advice… because it REFRAMED the hurt as a small experience to just add to the jar of all my life experiences. That put it into perspective which caused a lot of pain to stop.

Since I’ve heard lately from a number of people struggling with getting over break ups, I think I’m going to add this song to the “How To Get Over A Break Up” course as a free bonus…

But I figured I’d give it to YOU first. Just because… Well… I like you… and I think of you all the time… You know. As a friend… ;o)

Enjoy! It’s the first time I’ve played it in probably 20 years…

BTW It’s Day 18 of 90 Day Transformation Challenge #5.
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Quick Reminder: You can STILL audit my new “Beyond Beliefs Course” and get the modules as soon as I add them to the program. Click here to get it now: Beyond Beliefs: How To Stop Limiting Beliefs From Stopping YOU
==========

Your Modern Jedi Mind Mastery assignment today, should you choose to accept it, is to Laugh and Put Another Penny in The Jar of YOUR life. Let something go today that has been bugging you or bothering you or causing you pain. Don’t know how? Check out  “How To Get Over A Break Up”

– Mark

p.s. or pretty much any one of my NLP/Hypnosis courses. Because they are ALL about Mastering YOUR Mind For A Change so that you can stop the pain and get to the fun part of being alive. Faster. Easier. Better.

BOOOM!

p.p.s. I really DO think about YOU all the time… and right now you look like you could use a hug… sending out…. zooooooooom!

Filed Under: 90 Day Challenge, Breaking Up, Daily Mind Mastery Tip, Hypnosis Songs, Non-Attachment, Transformation Songs

How do you get over a broken heart?

October 25, 2016 by Mark Shepard

goab6-med-size-1000x

“Dear Mark, How DO you get over a broken heart?”  – Elizabeth J.

Wow! My email inbox is full as a Boa Constrictor after dinner, a bucket in a rainstorm, a chipmonk’s cheek, lately with questions about broken hearts, broken relationships and broken expectations in the romance department.

I know we live in times that reflect a lot less stability in our relationships than 100 years ago, or 50 or 30 years ago (or 20?). Chances are if you are human alive today, you have had your heart broken or will have your heart broken at some point. Either someone you fancy won’t fancy you back or a relationship that you are in will end and you might not have wanted it to end. So you may be nursing a recent wounded ticker or it may be old trauma that still triggers pain and suffering.

How you get over a broken heart is just not something that is a part of the typical High School or College syllabus. It’s not your fault that you don’t know how to get over a broken heart in a “heartbeat”. No one teaches us this. Until now.

Video:

In my new course , “How To get Over A Breakup” I give you everything you will ever need to totally and completely stop the pain, hurt, trauma and suffering of a broken heart, a broken relationship, rejection or whatever you are currently dealing with that is challenging you on the deepest levels…

What it’s NOT:

  • This program is NOT “therapy”. It’s a coaching course designed to give YOU the tools you need most to transform your current pain into power.
  • This program is NOT “easy”. It’s a lot EASIER than suffering. But it will require that you actually invest a little time for yourself to learn a few simple techniques that will quite literally use the same neurological pathways that you are using now to make yourself miserable, and flip them so that you can use them to feel awesome!.
  • This program is NOT watered down, vapid, woo-woo, fluff like most other self help books or online courses. The only thing that makes this different from my full 9 day NLP/Hypnosis/Timeline Certification program (which I teach in July), is that it’s the tip of the iceberg. Put THESE tools into practice and you will want to learn more.
  • This program is NOT some academic, theoretical, pie-in-the-sky, “rah-rah-rah” motivational pep talk. It’s actual tools and techniques that you can immediately try out in your own mind, and see if they work for you. If not, no big deal. But if they actually do what I know they do, if you actually apply the techniques in your own life you will get noticeable, repeatable results. And you will know pretty damn quick when you are out of pain and feeling fabulous.

For an extremely limited time I’m giving this course away for a fraction of what it’s worth. You might even be shocked at how low the price is.

Why? For several reasons:

  1. I want to help people. All my knowledge and experience doesn’t do anyone any good unless I share it, make it available, let you know about it. If I kept this to myself I would not be able to look at myself in the mirror. (And part of this program is about self love and self worth and mine is too high to be stingy)
  2. I want to make sure this program is simple enough for anyone to use and sophisticated enough for anyone who usesdsc03008-crop it to get the same positive results that I got and that 1000’s of my clients have gotten.
  3. I’m sharing this for so little because I need you to get into the course and give it a thorough test make sure all the links work etc.
  4. I want you to share your questions, your specific challenges, your stories of triumph and success so that I can make a solid case for even more people like YOU to get access to these powerful mind mastery tools.
  5. And finally I simply want to be sure that it is up to my usual extremely high standards before we roll this out in a much larger way.

So instead of paying my usual $500 plus an hour fees to work with me one on one, or $399 for a college level credit, you get the benefit of my 20 years of experience as a Certified Master Practitioner and Trainer of NLP , Hypnosis and Time Line Techniques. Plus my 40 years of getting clobbered “over the heart” by love over and over and over again… until I finally discovered these tools for transformation…

But in order to get the super duper, uber premium, “el cheapo” price you have to take some action NOW! This offer expires soon. And then the price goes UP! So take advantage of me NOW! :o)

Thanks for taking action. Your satisfaction is totally and completely guaranteed or your moolah back.

– Mark

p.s. Seriously it’s worth checking out just to see how shockingly low the price is. :o)

If you are ready and would like to go deeper with me… here’s how

How to Get Over A Break Up

You can also, Click a link below to:

  • Review my hypnosis video programs
  • Check out individual hypnosis sessions
  • Or contact me today

Or just leave a comment below 🙂

Filed Under: Articles, Breaking Up, Daily Mind Mastery Tip, Dating and Relating, Friend Zone, How to Overcome Trauma, Relationships

How To Get Over A Break Up

October 22, 2016 by Mark Shepard

Depression ReliefI get asked this a lot.

“Mark, how do I get over a break up?”

Well there are 3 (not so ) easy steps…. RIGHT…

We all want “easy” and believe me I LOVE easy. But I’m also sworn to honesty as “America’s Honest Hypnotist” and so I can definitely assure you that what I suggest is WAY easier than the angst and agony you are twisting in right now. AND WAY, WAY easier than just letting time heal your wounds. It’s also a hell of a lot easier than jumping back into ANOTHER dysfunctional relationship and repeating the cycle of misery.

BUT.

It will not necessarily be what you might think of as EASY. Because you will actually have to deal with some of YOUR stuff. And none of us want to do that. I didn’t want to when I was first learning all these leading edge NLP and Time Line and Hypnosis rapid transformation tools.

But literally just after I learned NLP my 2nd marriage imploded so  dramatically and painfully that I am convinced today that without the tools I would not have made it through that excruciatingly painful time.

And ultimately I began the journey of self mastery because I was freaking MISERABLE and most of my MISERY was caused by my being DESTROYED by breakups… And sometimes it’s a lot easier to be the one broken up with than it is to have the courage to say, “hey this isn’t really working and I don’t see that it will ever work so I’m breaking up with you for the sake of both of us.”

So both sides of the coin are excruciatingly painful.

For the most part the people who reach out to me for help with getting over a break up are the “break-ees”. We are talking about a person, (maybe you) who got broken up with and is deep in grieving, depression, longing, loneliness and a different kind of misery than the misery of being in a miserable relationship that no one wants to admit is miserable…

I find that usually the person doing the leaving has already decided this wasn’t working. He or she has gotten over the relationship enough to break it off and is ready to move on to something else.  Unfortunately You now know they are wanting to move on to someone better… than…. YOU…. OUCH!

So that leaves you feeling like your ex is dumping you and leaving you alone and now you have to pick up the pieces of your life. And it hurts and it feels unfair and you just want the good feelings back that you two had in the beginning when you fell in love.

Well nobody wants to hear that they were not “good enough” or “sexy enough” or “fun enough” or “loving enough” for another person to want to be with.

We call that REJECTION. And it plain stinking HURTS.

Breaking up the relationshipHurts. HURTS. HURTS. THROBBING. GRINDING. Feel like yer gonna die HURT. I know what you’re going through. Been there. Done that. Yuck.

We all want to be loved and valued and cherished. It’s a universal. But the bottom line is that two people coming together for a sexually intimate relationship is probably one of the most difficult things we EVER attempt. And it’s no surprise to anyone who’s studied this relationship field that a lot of them don’t work out. And a lot of the people we think of as “happily married” or in a “perfect relationship” are, as Comedian Louis C.K. points out in his most recent comedy show, “F*cking MISERABLE.”

M.I.S.E.R.A.B.L.E.

Some people break up and others just stay together even though they both have settled and they are both miserable. They just don’t want to admit it to themselves or each other.

And in every other relationship where both partners actually experience it as really, really good, it will necessarily start to trigger what I like to call “sh*t”.

Childhood”sh*t”, previous relationship “sh*t”, even past life “sh*t” comes up.

And the fact that it comes up is actually really good because in order to heal stuff, we have to feel stuff. And who better to heal it with than your adorable lover?

The problem is that no one teaches us how to heal the stuff that comes up in our intimate relationships. We don’t consciously date to find someone to help us heal our childhood traumas. We date to find someone who makes us feel good right? Finding the perfect person to “trigger the hell” out of us is UNCONSCIOUS.

So we get into these relationships and everything is all lovey dovey for awhile until we inadvertently touch each other’s old traumas or “old wounds” which causes us to defend and close down.

And in our closed down state we start to tell ourselves stories about how the other person is doing this to us. We tend to focus on all the other things that are unexpressed or not resolved between us… and finally we either give in and accept that the price of not being alone is to be in this very unsatisfying relationship… or we seek to find something or someone else who is “better”.

The sad fact is that we tend to recreate the same scenarios and dynamics no matter who we are with…

So in order to stop the pattern. We need to get over not only THIS break up. But ALL the past breakups and actually address what is really going on in all of our relationships that is ultimately frustrating and dysfunctional. (BTW I know my punctuation is all messed up in the last 3 sentences but I did that on purpose)…. (did it bother you? Sheesh! You’re just like my MOTHER! ;o)

We ALL want someone to justify to us that it isn’t us, it’s THEM. That’s why we talk to our friends about our relationship problems instead of to each other. We talk to other people instead of to the actual person who is triggering the f*ck out of us. Duh. That ought to work right?

But it IS us AND it IS them. And without someone else to trigger us we can’t do the deep and difficult work of healing ourselves. And it always takes two to tango as they say.

So all that said, right now you just want some help in getting OVER this person who broke your heart, dumped you, ditched you, rejected you, cheated on you, abandoned you, used you, abused you and dropped you, or otherwise “did you wrong”.

Ok. I’ve got 3 extremely helpful tools that work fabulously if you’re actually ready to let go of this person and the culturally endorsed dream that somehow she or he was the “One”.

They broke up with you so they probably aren’t the “One”.

Woman is getting over broken heartSo Step One is to stop believing in the “One”.

If you didn’t believe in the one you wouldn’t be bothered by this “one” not being it.

If you don’t believe in the “One” then whoever you happen to be with at the moment who you’re attracted to physically and who’s company you enjoy is perfect… for now. If it stops being enjoyable you can simply let go and move on to something better with someone else. Isn’t that the way it is with friends? We hang out for a while with someone and then something changes in either person’s life and a natural drifting apart process takes place. No biggie. Life goes on. We make new friends. No big deal.

What makes intimate relationships different is that we pour all this expectation and “story” into it that makes it like some gallderned fairytale… and we both buy into that story until it has too many holes in it to support it any more. And one of you had the good f*cking sense to call it.

So part of the problem that is causing you so much pain and suffering now is the belief that this person was the One. That he or she is NOT can only be reconciled by making them the bad guy and you the victim or you can change the belief. Without the belief it’s just not a big deal. You hung out for awhile. You had some good times. And sh*t changed. You both let go and moved on.

So I’ve gotten a lot of leverage on the pain thing by learning how to rapidly change beliefs. And if you’re open to it, I’ll be happy to teach you how to do it so you can just change any belief you want.

So easy to say right? Well, we just need to change the belief in the “One” to a belief that whatever is currently going on in your life, single, married, alone or with a partner is exactly what you most need right now in order to continue healing, growing and learning. It’s actually learning how to accept that whatever is actually happening is cool. And you actually can’t change the stuff that is actually happening. So learning how to accept what is ain’t just some jazzy new age idea, it’s something that actually works. And pretty fast too.

“Change your beliefs!” all the wise teachers say, but nobody tells you HOW. I’m gonna tell you how to change not just this one dumb belief that Walt Disney has drilled deep into our heads, but you will know how to change ANY belief about yourself. Get rid of old sh*tty beliefs. Install new POWERFUL beliefs. Presto change-o zing!

If you believe that you will never again find someone to have sex with that will cause you to feel bad. If you believe that there are dozens of hotties literally just waiting to meet you and give you the best sex of your life, you will feel very different.

Does that make sense? So Step one is to take charge of your beliefs about this relationship ending and to “filter for a different future” than the one you’ve been trained to imagine so far. If you have any questions at this point let me know ok? I promise to personally answer your questions. Contact

goab6-med-size-1000xStep Two is to stop looking for outside validation in order to feel loved.

“Love yourself,” all the wise teachers say, but nobody tells you how to do that. I’m gonna teach you how in a minute. Hang in here with me. Ok?

There are two levels to this. Level one is dealing with physical love. Getting the good feelings we want physically. Level Two is getting the good feelings we want emotionally.

First we will deal with physical intimate love. And I will teach you how to get yourself off so well that you will never need anyone else to do it for you. You will become a master of making love to yourself. And you will learn to cultivate your own sexual energy for health, vitality and endurance. Just this piece of the course should cost $495 bucks. Because it’s really, really, fun, funny, and will forever change your life for the better.

We will deal with learning to love yourself emotionally. To fill your entire being with self acceptance and support. You will learn how to literally adore yourself. Honestly. Freely. To love yourself so much that you would never, ever allow another person to ruin your day. You will love yourself so much that you would always give yourself encouragement to go for your dreams. You will love yourself enough to realize that attempting to get love from another human being is pointless and crazy until you love yourself so much that you actually don’t care if your lover stays your lover or just becomes a friend.

You will feel so complete in and of yourself that you will not need someone else to “complete you.” And the good news for THEM is that you become a lot more freaking fun to be around. And so they stop wanting to break up and get the f*ck away from you.

In addition, Loving yourself is the only way for you to actually get the love you want from other people. Neediness repels. You are currently feeling pain because you thought you were getting your needs met by your lover and now they are gone. But if we are honest with ourselves we have to admit, you weren’t getting the love you wanted and they weren’t either. You were attempting to get it from each other. It seems like it works that way but it doesn’t.

So you are all stressed out about losing something that you never actually had. When you felt all loved by him or her, you were actually just creating those feelings inside yourself in response to your perception of the other person and what you imagined they were thinking. THAT’S what triggered all the mood enhancing bio chemistry in your body. YOUR thoughts. YOUR perceptions. YOUR beliefs.

You are the one who causes you to feel whatever you are feeling.

BUT IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT!

Seriously it’s not your fault. You ARE creating your emotions and your current pain. BUT it’s not your fault because nobody ever taught you how to run your own mind. And that’s the 2nd way I’m going to help you to get over a breakup. You are going to be your own little Jedi Mind Master when it comes to love. You are going to be complete and whole and in your power to the extent that you will never again feel like a needy, lonely child in the middle of a war zone.

Step Three is learning how to “re-program” your internal “process” of being in love with said “Ex” so that you’re no longer craving it like a kid who’s had his or her candy bar taken away.

You might be shocked at how easy it’s going to be to simply “delete” them from your neurology so that you totally fahget abowt ’em.

Or if you’d rather, you can totally change their status internally to be that of a good friend who you care about but are no longer in love with. This is the most fun part. I love teaching people how to program their futures to be filled with all the good stuff they really want. I love teaching people how to run their own minds so that they stop beating themselves up inside and start going for what they truly desire in their lives. You’re gonna love this part.

At this point I think I should probably tell you my story enough so you can see that everything I’m going to teach you is stuff I had to learn the hard way.

I’ve totally been where you are now and I did it over and over again until I finally realized that I was the one setting up these patterns and repeating them. I could console myself by saying “well at least you wrote some great songs out of all your failed relationships and break ups”, and that helps a little. What helps even more is the fact that as much as I deeply adore and love my current girlfriend, if it wasn’t for my 2 failed marriages and some gazillion other failed relationships I would not be in any position to be with her for the long term. And if I hadn’t mastered the art of getting over past relationships I never would have gotten to be in a great one with her.

And I also have to say that if this one ever ends, I will be very, very sad. I adore her and I’ve never enjoyed the company of another person as much as I do hers. If it ever doesn’t work out, I will lovingly release her and get on with my life, open to whatever new possibilities are awaiting me. And knowing that neither one of us is desperate to be with each other and that we both enjoy our own company, keeps us “holding on loosely” so that neither one of us wants to be with anyone else. Now. If it changes we will definitely talk about it. We are committed to that.

And every time we trigger each other, we have so far been able to get up the courage to openly talk about it and address the issues and resolve the misunderstandings between us without making each other the “bad” guy…

Ok. are you ready? Here’s my credentials in addition to the boring stuff like, “Certified Master Practitioner and Trainer of NLP, Hypnosis and Time Line Therapy Techniques(tm) since 2003, private practice for 13 years etc…

  1. Fell in love With Monica in kindergarten. She moved away (The b*tch! ;o)
  2. Fell in love with the school nurse in 4th grade. She told me I was too young for her. (Sheesh! total rejection)
  3. Fell in love with Judy in 5th grade. Got my sister to ask her if she liked me. She did NOT. OUCH.
  4. Fell in love with this really tall girl in 6th grade AND this really short girl who had just moved to my town from France. They were not interested in me.
  5. In seventh grade I was in love with my sister’s friend and she held my hand once and then moved on to a much older guy who she later married.
  6. In eighth grade I had deep longings for this girl Clara who kissed me after the school musical did it’s final show to a sold out crowd of adoring parents.
  7. In 9th grade the minister’s daughter. YES the MINISTER’S daughter literally put the MOVES on me and converted me to the religion of what boy parts and girl parts are designed to be done with… I broke up with her in Bible camp because I felt guilty and sinful. And within minutes she replaced me with a kid who I thought was a loser. But he was the winner. I was the loser. (so sometimes doing the breaking up is worse because I longed for her for YEARS after that).
  8. There’s a lot, lot more but I won’t waste your precious attention on this other than my 2 marriages, one lasted 13 years and the other lasted exactly 365 days. The 2nd marriage breakup was the one that almost killed me. She was beautiful. Bright. Fun. And CRAZY as hell (with good reason). And I did not know how to communicate to her or lead as women yearn for men to lead. and the techniques that kept me alive and that I would love to share with YOU were developed out of THAT relationship. AND the good news is they kept me ALIVE and there were a lot of amazing women who I dated AFTER her. And I even got to experience a period of time where I was openly and honestly dating 4 women at the same time. And of those 4 women, I ended up breaking up with 3 of them in order to be focused on my current girlfriend and I am still very, very good friends with each of them. And that to me is the biggest credential I have to offer you so that you can feel confident knowing that what I might offer you is tested, proven and immediately applicable to YOUR life.

Ok? is that enough? or do you want more? I think it’s enough but if you want to hear more of my disastrous love life over the course of 30 years feel free to hit me up with an email. Contact me here

Now do you want to know the 3 techniques to forever eradicate your ex from your mind?

Or do you want to learn how to just gently remove them from the list of longed for lovers and slam them deep into the friend zone where they suddenly realize they made a big mistake? And then have the satisfaction of watching them crawl back to you on their knees begging for forgiveness and for you to take them back? While you gently reach down to kiss the top of their head and gently say. “I’m so sorry honey, no  harm, no foul, but I’ve moved on.”

Also you’ve been reading and supporting my work for a while and I really appreciate that. And you took your precious attention away from all the other stuff that you normally think about to spend it with me. We are connecting you and I energetically. Through the symbols of these words. I am having pleasurable electrical stimulations in my mind that communicates instantly to my fingers typing on this keyboard which I am pasting up here on the internet thing called a blog… you have been reading this and have vicariously entered my world.

dsc02956-close-cropAnd because I know you…. I know you are like me. Because this problem of getting over a love relationship is such a universal experience. I’m in a position to transfer some precious knowledge to you. Knowledge that can so powerfully affect your life that from this point on you can literally create exactly what you want, where you want, with whomever you want.

This knowledge will help you get out of pain. This knowledge will help you to live a happier, healthier, more successful life.

Usually there is a price to pay for this knowledge. I’ve paid a steep price. I offer it to you for far, far, less. And it motivates the hell out of me to know I can help more people to avoid the pain and suffering I used to know so well.

Some kinds of pain in life are not optional. This one IS optional. You can stop it. Tonight. You can keep it stopped. You can move on. You CAN deeply internalize the realization that you are fine on your own. You are fine with someone else, You are fine no matter what turn the course of your life takes. It’s all a learning experience and having tools to “get the lesson” and move on makes all the difference.

If you are ready and would like to go deeper with me… here’s how

Click this link to check out my “Kick the Break Up Blues and Get On With Your Life” course:  “How To Get Over A Break Up” NOW! 

Filed Under: Breaking Up, Clearing Limiting Beliefs, Daily Mind Mastery Tip, Dating, Dating and Relating

Being Honest

March 5, 2015 by Mark Shepard

28604925_sThis is a huge subject and one I think that you might want to consider diving in to.

We are all fvcking liars.

Mostly we lie to ourselves and to our women. “no you don’t look fat in those jeans” and “No I’m not attracted to your best friend” because we don’t want to deal with the negative uncomfortable feelings that come up when a woman is upset and unpredictable.

It rattles us and causes us to “tell her what she wants to hear”.

I’m here to tell you that is just about the most selfish, cruel and ultimately self destructive thing you can do. It’s also extremely “low status” and one of the secret reasons why women “lose attraction” for their man.

We ought to man up and start telling the truth…

Like instead of “OK let’s be monogamous”, how about, “Hey I really like you and I’m attracted to you and it feels like we are heading somewhere really cool together, and because I deeply respect you I have to be honest, [notice there was no “but”] and tell you that I don’t really feel like I can make that kind of a commitment yet. Not sure I could ever make that.”

You know? Imagine being man enough to actually say whatever is true for you… right then and there.

This last scenario would have saved me 4 years of relationship angst and personal pain, not to mention untended trauma inflicted on my last girlfriend… who wanted “the One”. Who wanted Monogamy and Exclusivity.

We were getting hot and heavy and moved into her bedroom. Naked. Passion flowing and Juices dripping…. and THAT’S when she said, “If we do this it HAS to be monogamous.”

  • If it hadn’t been soooo long since I’d had sex….
  • If she wasn’t so Hot….
  • If I wasn’t so lonely…

I SHOULD have said, “well, I really like you and I’m really hot to have great sex with you, and I don’t feel like I can honestly make that kind of promise to you until AFTER we’ve had sex for a while.”

I should have been willing to WALK THE FVCK AWAY. But I didn’t have the balls because I wanted her right then. And so I lied. I said, Ok. Let’s be monogamous. I actually almost believed it when I said it…

BOOM! how many fvcking seconds did that take?

And I was caught by my pubes… AGAIN.

You see, I was raised by a powerful, dominant mother who preached, “If you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all.” And a father who said, “Always keep your promises.”

Shit.

And we all live in the  culture of the “white lie” where we tell each other harmless little fibs so everybody feels better about themselves and their fat asses and small dicks.

I have a good friend who is cheating on his wife.

I don’t blame him.

I think she’s a narcissistic professional “victim”. But she just went through a “really tough time” so he doesn’t want to tell her their marriage is over because it would get her upset. Then there were the holidays… he didn’t want to upset her then… then there was a lot going on at work…. then her birthday was coming up and that wouldn’t be right…

He didn’t want to tell her then because it would be too cruel… and he finally admitted, stressful for him…

And that is the most honest reason he has given…. He doesn’t want to deal with her shit so it is much easier for him to just fvck some other woman while his wife is going through her “tough” time…

So he has just closed down…. “Don’t you love me anymore?” she whines. “sure dear…” Then he changes the subject. Somehow he thinks he’s fooling her.

REALLY!?

She probably knew months ago but she’s a fvcking liar too… She’s probably waiting to divorce HIS ass until she can get her claws on some more of his money… or until she can afford her own place…

Change a few details and this describes most of the shitty relationships in our culture…

We are now several generations of men who were raised by women, taught by women and now often work for women… Women who they have been trained to please and obey. It’s kind of nauseating to me now… the way I worried so fucking much about upsetting “her”. Mostly beause if I upset her she would take away the thing I really was hanging out with her to get, SEX.

Isn’t it ridiculous that so many of us make our fvcking deals with the fvcking “devil” in the lame hopes of getting sex. But ironically being pliable pleasers and “yes” men to our women, not only turns them off sexually but it pisses them off in ways that they are not even aware of.

Even the most “liberated ” woman unconsciously wants a man who is not afraid of her. She wants a man who isn’t threatened by her emotional storms. Who allows her to express herself without having to edit or censer herself in order to “Pwotect his wittle feeewings”.

So in other words his fear of her anger causes him to lie about his true feelings and desires so he hides his true self… and attempts to manipulate her into having sex… His truth may be that he just wants to fuck her and then do his own thing.

His truth may be that he isn’t really attracted to fat women. She USED to be slender. But now she’s 50 pounds heavier and is jamming food in her mouth so fast it’s obvious it ain’t gonna change very soon.

But if he tells her she IS fat and not just in those jeans, she will get upset and yell and throw things or make things very uncomfortable for him. AND she will damn well NOT be giving any blow jobs in the near future… No backrubs. Not making any dinner either… So instead of leading her with his powerful masculine energy, He abdicates his power to her and while she may at first enjoy having things her way, ultimately she will be miserable as well…

The bottom line is that she can’t trust him. And the reality is we tell ourselves we that the white lies are to protect the other person’s feelings. The truth is we are really lying to ourselves. We are lying to protect ourselves from having to deal with conflict or unpleasant interactions.

But if he was honest from the beginning. She would have been able to make her own decision about whether she wanted to fvck him anyway…. (news: they often want to fvck you anyway. It’s usually just a test so she can justify fvcking you without feeling like a slut or that she’s too easy.)

And yeah, women lie too.

But if you are ready to step in to your power as a man, you won’t need to lie any more. You will never again have to worry about not getting enough sex. You will never again have to lie to get what you want. You won’t need to.

To get first crack at my new course: “Stepping In To Your Power as a Man” opt in below this post.

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How to stop being shy around beautiful women

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Filed Under: Becoming A Man, Breaking Up, Honesty, Relationships, The Enlightened Man

It’s Not Just About Approach Anxiety

October 24, 2012 by Mark Shepard

angry womanOk. Scot Mckay, Author of“Deserve What You Want” and “The Engineer’s Guide To Being Cooler Than The Sales Guy” is on a freaking roll the last few days… Just like my last post, this one is inspired by one of Scot’s newsletter issues.

I’ll get to “why” in just a moment.

One of the reasons a lot of us guys think we are shy is that we fear rejection associated with approaching women and engaging them in conversation… but the reality goes far deeper. It’s not just approaching women that has the potential to mess with our heads, the entire relationship thing is a minefield of potential bad feelings. And particularly dealing with a woman’s ANGER.

Just like a garden slug will alter it’s course to avoid a pile of salt.

We are hardwired to avoid pain

If you’ve linked up pain to any aspect of dating and relationships check this out…. and let me know if you can relate

Does this scenario feel familer?

You finally get up the guts to approach a woman who (gasp!) actually seems to like you. Either she flat out takes the initiative or she makes it easy and safe for you to do it.

So Far So Good….

You two go at and and get into it and in the first blush of love all is groovy…. until suddenly she confronts you about something you did or didn’t do that you had better fix right now ( or kiss sex goodbye).

Maybe you left the toilet seat up. Maybe you burped without covering your mouth. Maybe you said something that you didn’t intend to be offensive but she sure got offended. The ice in the room is palpable. You are suddenly facing an angry woman. But you didn’t do anything to intentionally piss her off.

You think I’m kidding?

In one of my relationships (that lasted a miserable two years) I experienced this:

  • We were getting hot and heavy sexually when she stops and demands that I go wash my hands and scrub under my fingernails because she didn’t want to get an infection. Now, if I was a diesel mechanic,garbage man or undertaker I could understand that but, a. I had just taken a shower. b. I’m a writer, therapist, musician. My hands are usually pretty clean. And I wash them fairly frequently with soap (and I do dishes. Uh huh. Yup). But instead of telling her to go to hell. Or just laughing at her like she was “cute”. I dutifully got up washed my hands… I would do anything to avoid that anger stuff… :o(
  • I was drinking some fizzy vitamin C stuff and it made me burp. I was being silly with the burps and having fun. She was offended and disgusted and told me so in no uncertain terms  So after that I made a serious attempt to cover my burps and be all polite. I should have laughed at her and busted her on it. I should have burped “I love you” right in her face and grabbed her and carried to the bedroom and had my way with her… but shit, I didn’t want to jeopardize sex… so I tried to comply. Big mistake. (we will address compliance tests women give men in a whole other article)
  • We usually ate organic chicken. Expensive but worth it. One day the store was out and since I was there, I got “natural” chicken just this one time…. Boom! that set her off into a tirade and a rant about the abuse of chickens and not being able to trust the labels of grocery store chickens vs. the local chickens from the health food store (that cost $18.00 bucks a pound)….This time I DID tell her she was full of shit and she later apologized. THAT felt good.

The bottom line is, you have that sinking feeling in your gut that makes you want to either run away or do anything you can to make her angry disapproval stop.

So you apologize and make a greater effort to be better next time….(at least that’s what I have always done).

The storm blows over…. for awhile

But maybe at some point you’ve moved in with her. (Her place right?) Now you have to play by her rules and if you don’t she will make you suffer.

Now for how long you put up with this as it gets progressively worse is anyone’s guess. I have gone through similar hell scenarios for years.

Eventually if you are working on your “stuff” and learning how to step into your masculine energy and empowerment, You will start calling her on her shit. That’s good. But it is likely that she will not change. She liked you better when she could boss you around (even though she secretly wished you would exhibit the kind of masculine leadership that she craves.  – subject for another article)

So you eventually step in to your power and leave the relationship.

You break up with her.

She goes in to shock. No guy has ever broken up with HER. She’s the one who is used to dumping guys. She begs you to reconsider… She turns on all the charm again. She is suddenly willing to have sex any way you want it.

This is dangerous territory.

I’ve been sucked back in so many times that I am embarrassed to admit it. But if you stick to your guns you will soon get to experience her being really, really, really pissed off at you.

This is good.

You need practice realizing that it’s not necessarily a bad thing

She will call you every name in the book. She will accuse you of everything that horrible, evil men have ever done to poor innocent women over the centuries. She will HATE you.

And then, you may have a realization after moving out that you are really, really lonely…. and suddenly she’s not mad any more, she realizes what she did that caused you to want to leave and she’s really sorry. She may even apologize and invite you to come over…. or she may show up at your door in tears sobbing that you are “the one”.

“We can make this work!” she’ll say. “I’ll be better.”

and if you aren’t strong you will cave in and get trapped again…. The same pattern will just repeat.

Now.

Sorry to paint such a grim picture. But doesn’t being shy now make so much sense? It protects you from this crap.

Don’t you see that it’s not just about the approach anxiety? It’s about the entire relationship thing. It can be emotionally exhausting and traumatic for a person (male or female) who has any level of sensitivity. For a quiet, shy, introverted, guy this stuff can just blow your circuits and cause havoc with your Halo score… or anything you are into.

But the bright note is this: Once you learn some basic self care tools and have the ability to take charge of your own internal representations of meaning, you can turn any “unpleasant” experience with a woman (or anyone else you perceive of as powerful),  into a vital, transformational experience that leaves you many levels up on everyone else.

Being able to break up with a woman like a man means not being frightened by or sucked in to her anger. It means being gentle but firm. It means taking responsibility for your own shit without wallowing in it.

But here’s where having good approach and conversational skills is vital: It also means that you HAVE to have the tools you need in order to start seeing other women as soon as possible. Because if you have other options that are positive for you, you will  be far less likely to be manipulated by your ex’s guilt trips, anger and tears.

By breaking up with her, you took the initiative in taking care of you. That is some hard shit. Seriously. But you did it!

I started focusing on this phrase: If I truly love myself what would I do? And also, “What would I do if I was a powerful attractive man?”

It’s kind of like “What would Jesus do?” but instead you might want to use a different role model. “What would George Clooney do?” “What would Brad Pitt do?”  Fill in the blank with a guy you admire.

Now to Scot Mckay. He wrote about breaking up in his daily newsletter and I think you might benefit from hearing his thoughts because he is not just about “meeting chicks in bars” like so many other dating coaches.

Scot Mckay is all about how to show up as a man in the highest sense of that word.

And let me admit publicly here that 4 years ago Scot Mckay freaking saved my life. I was in a really crazy relationship that was just destroying me. And I booked a 1 on 1 session with him. It helped me to get free.

And his newsletter this morning helped me to reflect back on the journey I’ve been on, that while not always comfortable or pain free, has enabled me to re-create myself into a person I actually enjoy being with  whether I’m with women or flying solo. :o)

The point that I want to make deep into your unconscious mind is this…

Getting over your shyness or approach anxiety is the “surface issue.”

It seems like such a problem doesn’t it? It seems like it’s the reason you are lonely. But the reality is you never got the manual on how to truly step in to your masculine nature in the best sense of the word. In fact, becoming the kind of man who you truly want to be in all areas of your life is the real issue isn’t it?

If you were the guy you long to be, women would notice wouldn’t they? Your boss would notice. You would be doing what you love to do and being someone you love being.

Every single day.

You would not tolerate bullshit from anyone. Not even a beautiful woman. I dare you to begin and take some kind of action today on your own behalf.

Have a great day!

If NOW is the right time to take action click the button below…

How to stop being shy around beautiful women

Got questions? I have answers and I want you to have them, so…

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Filed Under: Approach Anxiety, Breaking Up, Dating, Overcome Shyness, Relationships

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