The Enlightened Man

Love Ain’t LOGICAL

November 11, 2017 by Mark Shepard

The Better Man Project Episode 2

Love is NOT Logical

Romantic attraction is NOT Logical. Particularly for women.

Sometimes we guys get stuck in an old ineffective pattern of behavior around women. We try to convince them or “sell them” on us.

Big mistake. There is something else we need to be doing instead…

It STARTS when we dudes STOP attempting to convince a woman to date us by “Proving” our worth or value.

Check it out.

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How To Talk To Strangers

September 22, 2016 by Mark Shepard

Wow! This video hit home.

I used to be soooo painfully shy that I had no idea how to actually make friends (much less influence them).

I read Dale Carnegie’s book, “How To Win Friends and Influence People” but it just didn’t “take”.

It wasn’t until I moved to what I considered to be the “unfriendly” city of New Haven CT that I started getting serious about breaking out of my shyness.

That’s when I started the “hi!” program. I would force myself to say hi to everyone I passed on the street, in the park, wherever I was walking about town.

And you know what? It was a blast! The first few “hellos” were a little scary but once I got warmed up it was INCREDIBLY energizing and uplifting and saying hi and smiling clearly had a positive effect on a lot of people. Sure, a few didn’t respond but that’s just part of the practice of not being attached to outcomes.

I even had conversations with people. Even women! It was eye opening. It was the opposite of creepy. It was refreshing and life affirming.

This morning I stumbled across this video that suggests a similar approach and I thought I’d share it with you just in case you need a little encouragement to get out of your comfort zone and begin to say “hi!”.

If you’re a guy and you find yourself frozen with anxiety at the thought of approaching an interesting and attractive woman, you might want to check out my “Shy Guy Help” program or consider some personal coaching.

I’ve been there and done that! You are not alone.

BTW my “Shy Guy Help” program is not about becoming a sleazy pick up artist. It’s simply about being comfortable showing up in the world as a confident man who is interested in everyone and able to enjoy and communicate authentically with people wherever you find yourself in life.

And…. yeah. Women find that attractive…

Actually EVERYONE finds that attractive. So check it out!

The really important thing is just to be fully aware that you can realize the change you’re looking for…

And here’s how

Click the link below to:

– Mark

Enlightenment Is NOT Perfection

November 4, 2015 by Mark Shepard

Hey! Happy Wednesday…

today we are going to explore the idea that…

Enlightenment is NOT Perfection

The LIGHT of this INDIAN SUMMER day is so beautiful. Warm. Gentle. Fragrant. The last of the Autumn leaves letting go and releasing into their knee deep piles in the yard…

AHHHH! LIGHT! Feel it fill your being… A lot of people seem to think that “enlightenment” is equivalent to “perfection” or “saint hood”…

There’s an old zen saying: “Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. AFTER enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.”

In my opinion, enlightenment is the ability to hold and reflect more LIGHT. It also means to have a “lightness of being” about you. and also, to “Lighten UP!”.

I covered this pretty thoroughly in the video so I’ll just let it do the tawkin’

I had some other thoughts about peoples opinions in yesterday’s post/video… so you might want to check that out as well.

Yesterday’s Article, Other People’s Opinions about YOUR life…

Stop trying to be perfect and PLAY with the idea of En-Lightening UP your life!

– Mark

p.s. thoughts? Shifts? Nudges? Contact me!

Photo Credit – Copyright: rolffimages / 123RF Stock Photo

Being Honest

March 5, 2015 by Mark Shepard

This is a huge subject and one I think that you might want to consider diving in to.

We are all fvcking liars.

Mostly we lie to ourselves and to our women. “no you don’t look fat in those jeans” and “No I’m not attracted to your best friend” because we don’t want to deal with the negative uncomfortable feelings that come up when a woman is upset and unpredictable.

It rattles us and causes us to “tell her what she wants to hear”.

I’m here to tell you that is just about the most selfish, cruel and ultimately self destructive thing you can do. It’s also extremely “low status” and one of the secret reasons why women “lose attraction” for their man.

We ought to man up and start telling the truth…

Like instead of “OK let’s be monogamous”, how about, “Hey I really like you and I’m attracted to you and it feels like we are heading somewhere really cool together, and because I deeply respect you I have to be honest, [notice there was no “but”] and tell you that I don’t really feel like I can make that kind of a commitment yet. Not sure I could ever make that.”

You know? Imagine being man enough to actually say whatever is true for you… right then and there.

This last scenario would have saved me 4 years of relationship angst and personal pain, not to mention untended trauma inflicted on my last girlfriend… who wanted “the One”. Who wanted Monogamy and Exclusivity.

We were getting hot and heavy and moved into her bedroom. Naked. Passion flowing and Juices dripping…. and THAT’S when she said, “If we do this it HAS to be monogamous.”

If it hadn’t been soooo long since I’d had sex….
If she wasn’t so Hot….
If I wasn’t so lonely…

I SHOULD have said, “well, I really like you and I’m really hot to have great sex with you, and I don’t feel like I can honestly make that kind of promise to you until AFTER we’ve had sex for a while.”

I should have been willing to WALK THE FVCK AWAY. But I didn’t have the balls because I wanted her right then. And so I lied. I said, Ok. Let’s be monogamous. I actually almost believed it when I said it…

BOOM! how many fvcking seconds did that take?

And I was caught by my pubes… AGAIN.

You see, I was raised by a powerful, dominant mother who preached, “If you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all.” And a father who said, “Always keep your promises.”

Shit.

And we all live in the culture of the “white lie” where we tell each other harmless little fibs so everybody feels better about themselves and their fat asses and small dicks.

I have a good friend who is cheating on his wife.

I don’t blame him.

I think she’s a narcissistic professional “victim”. But she just went through a “really tough time” so he doesn’t want to tell her their marriage is over because it would get her upset. Then there were the holidays… he didn’t want to upset her then… then there was a lot going on at work…. then her birthday was coming up and that wouldn’t be right…

He didn’t want to tell her then because it would be too cruel… and he finally admitted, stressful for him…

And that is the most honest reason he has given…. He doesn’t want to deal with her shit so it is much easier for him to just fvck some other woman while his wife is going through her “tough” time…

So he has just closed down…. “Don’t you love me anymore?” she whines. “sure dear…” Then he changes the subject. Somehow he thinks he’s fooling her.

REALLY!?

She probably knew months ago but she’s a fvcking liar too… She’s probably waiting to divorce HIS ass until she can get her claws on some more of his money… or until she can afford her own place…

Change a few details and this describes most of the shitty relationships in our culture…

We are now several generations of men who were raised by women, taught by women and now often work for women… Women who they have been trained to please and obey. It’s kind of nauseating to me now… the way I worried so fucking much about upsetting “her”. Mostly beause if I upset her she would take away the thing I really was hanging out with her to get, SEX.

Isn’t it ridiculous that so many of us make our fvcking deals with the fvcking “devil” in the lame hopes of getting sex. But ironically being pliable pleasers and “yes” men to our women, not only turns them off sexually but it pisses them off in ways that they are not even aware of.

Even the most “liberated ” woman unconsciously wants a man who is not afraid of her. She wants a man who isn’t threatened by her emotional storms. Who allows her to express herself without having to edit or censer herself in order to “Pwotect his wittle feeewings”.

So in other words his fear of her anger causes him to lie about his true feelings and desires so he hides his true self… and attempts to manipulate her into having sex… His truth may be that he just wants to fuck her and then do his own thing.

His truth may be that he isn’t really attracted to fat women. She USED to be slender. But now she’s 50 pounds heavier and is jamming food in her mouth so fast it’s obvious it ain’t gonna change very soon.

But if he tells her she IS fat and not just in those jeans, she will get upset and yell and throw things or make things very uncomfortable for him. AND she will damn well NOT be giving any blow jobs in the near future… No backrubs. Not making any dinner either… So instead of leading her with his powerful masculine energy, He abdicates his power to her and while she may at first enjoy having things her way, ultimately she will be miserable as well…

The bottom line is that she can’t trust him. And the reality is we tell ourselves we that the white lies are to protect the other person’s feelings. The truth is we are really lying to ourselves. We are lying to protect ourselves from having to deal with conflict or unpleasant interactions.

But if he was honest from the beginning. She would have been able to make her own decision about whether she wanted to fvck him anyway…. (news: they often want to fvck you anyway. It’s usually just a test so she can justify fvcking you without feeling like a slut or that she’s too easy.)

And yeah, women lie too.

But if you are ready to step in to your power as a man, you won’t need to lie any more. You will never again have to worry about not getting enough sex. You will never again have to lie to get what you want. You won’t need to.

To get first crack at my new course: “Stepping In To Your Power as a Man” opt in below this post.

If now is the time to take action click the button below…

How to stop being shy around beautiful women

Got questions? I have answers and I want you to have them, so…

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Why Women Don’t Trust “Nice” Guys

February 12, 2015 by Mark Shepard

I once heard a very helpful metaphor that I think sums up what we as men are beginning to understand about the differences in polarity between the masculine and the feminine:

The masculine is a lighthouse standing strong and tall, constant, clear, enduring, direct and focused on its purpose or mission.

The feminine is the sea.

Infinitely changeable. Emotionally charged, surging and fluid.

When the feminine crashes against the masculine, the masculine remains unchanged, un-broken. While the feminine may rage and howl in frustration at the uncompromising nature of the masculine.

It actually desires that. The rage, the lashing out, the emotional storm is simply the way she “tests” him…

One of my girlfriends forwarded this to me this morning. It is one of the best pieces of writing I’ve come across that articulates this from a woman’s perspective. I think you need to read it to understand the subtlety of why being “nice”, “compliant”, “helpful”, “agreeable”, and other socially encouraged things cause our women to not feel safe.

WHEN A MAN SHOWS YOU WHERE HE STANDS by Lauren Sheehan

I’ll never forget the feeling, sitting next to him on the sidewalk, feeling his presence.

He wasn’t smiling. He wasn’t happy. He wasn’t warm. Yet he wasn’t closed to me either.

He was clear. He was standing his ground. He was driving his stake further into the earth.

My body was reeling. All kinds of knots inside me were becoming present. Not the knots of danger or warning, but the knots of old held onto emotions, things to be let go of. The sort of knots that were putting me face to face with my self, with what I needed to look at and be responsible for.

I felt myself wanting to grab his attention, fix myself, fix him, do something to make the uncomfortable feeling in my body go away. I felt like I had disappointed him and myself.

For a woman, there is a distinct flavor of feeling when a man that we love feels disappointed in us. It’s not the most fun feeling. It brings up all our deepest fears and emotions about abandonment and feeling unworthy.

But what happened as I just sat, staying fiercly with myself and my own internal emotions instead of running from them, was quite amazing.

I looked over at him and I felt so pulled in, I felt a polarity I hadn’t felt in a while. It was so strong.

His face became even more attractive, his walk was more potent, he became that much more fuck-able. His center of gravity got deeper.
This was the presence of a man who wasn’t willing to be swayed by me or anyone. And as much as it makes my insides want to scream sometimes, I can never deny the respect and genuine trust that I feel when he is this way.

Because I know where he stands. I know where his edges are. I know what he will and won’t accept. I know that he is strong emotionally, spiritually, and physically.

What his body was saying to me was this, I love you but I won’t tolerate being treated this way, and I’m willing to cut you loose if you don’t want to meet me now in this place.

And in that moment, when I sat with him and felt all the knots in my body, something shifted inside me: I felt more of my own feminine coming out, a higher level of responsibility, a higher level of womanhood, a higher level of care and attention. I felt myself being called into a higher standard.

And the truth is, I liked it.

I liked it because his clarity called me into my own clarity. It called me into more of myself than almost anything else could. Just sitting feeling his presence unwavering, him letting me feel uncomfortable instead of coddling me or rescuing me.

He stayed with me, heart open, available, but he wasn’t going to shirk away from the truth.

This is what it feels like when a partner can take you further than where you can go on your own. It’s not all about sex and pleasure, it’s about growth.

A masculine man will show you your bullshit without a smile on his face but his heart wide open. He will show you where he stands and his presence will call you into a higher expression of feminine responsibility.

It doesn’t always feel comfortable at first. Being more responsible usually never does until you get used to it.

But if you are willing to sit with your own feelings, let go of the story, and not escape yourself, then you can know yourself much more deeply and therefore connect with your partner that much more deeply.

And then the two of you can rise together, like steel brandishing steel, pushing each other towards the potential you see in each other. Not needing it to always be comfortable, nice, or pretty. But open to it being more expansive and meaningful than anything you’ve ever experienced.

Because you know you are both on the same boat, in it for long haul, and ready to go deep.

The masculine presence in a man who can own it is intense and is not always comfortable. It’s a sword of truth and the truth can be hard to handle sometimes.

Women make the mistake of thinking that a man needs to always be and feel comfortable or nice and that his comfort and niceness keeps you feeling safe. But the truth is no man who is always nice and comfortable is ever going to have you actually feeling safe because you’ll never respect him and you’ll always have this underlying sense that he will let the world mess him around.

You want a man who will challenge you and call you out. That is how you evolve and grow.

In the past I would’ve run from this sort of presence but now I embrace it. And all the work its taken me to be able to not run away from this…. it’s been a long journey but it’s been worth it. ?

~ Lauren Sheehan
Check out Lauren’s site: http://iamlaurensheehan.com

But how does a guy make the journey from being shy, hesitant, full of fear, riddled with old pain and trauma in order to be this guy that can stand strong and firm in his own skin and be willing to speak his truth, even if it means he loses her?