“Mark, how do I get over a break up?”
Well there are 3 (not so ) easy steps…. RIGHT…
We all want “easy” and believe me I LOVE easy. But I’m also sworn to honesty as “America’s Honest Hypnotist” and so I can definitely assure you that what I suggest is WAY easier than the angst and agony you are twisting in right now. AND WAY, WAY easier than just letting time heal your wounds. It’s also a hell of a lot easier than jumping back into ANOTHER dysfunctional relationship and repeating the cycle of misery.
It will not necessarily be what you might think of as EASY. Because you will actually have to deal with some of YOUR stuff. And none of us want to do that. I didn’t want to when I was first learning all these leading edge NLP and Time Line and Hypnosis rapid transformation tools.
But literally just after I learned NLP my 2nd marriage imploded so dramatically and painfully that I am convinced today that without the tools I would not have made it through that excruciatingly painful time.
And ultimately I began the journey of self mastery because I was freaking MISERABLE and most of my MISERY was caused by my being DESTROYED by breakups… And sometimes it’s a lot easier to be the one broken up with than it is to have the courage to say, “hey this isn’t really working and I don’t see that it will ever work so I’m breaking up with you for the sake of both of us.”
So both sides of the coin are excruciatingly painful.
For the most part the people who reach out to me for help with getting over a break up are the “break-ees”. We are talking about a person, (maybe you) who got broken up with and is deep in grieving, depression, longing, loneliness and a different kind of misery than the misery of being in a miserable relationship that no one wants to admit is miserable…
I find that usually the person doing the leaving has already decided this wasn’t working. He or she has gotten over the relationship enough to break it off and is ready to move on to something else. Unfortunately You now know they are wanting to move on to someone better… than…. YOU…. OUCH!
So that leaves you feeling like your ex is dumping you and leaving you alone and now you have to pick up the pieces of your life. And it hurts and it feels unfair and you just want the good feelings back that you two had in the beginning when you fell in love.
Well nobody wants to hear that they were not “good enough” or “sexy enough” or “fun enough” or “loving enough” for another person to want to be with.
We call that REJECTION. And it plain stinking HURTS.
Hurts. HURTS. HURTS. THROBBING. GRINDING. Feel like yer gonna die HURT. I know what you’re going through. Been there. Done that. Yuck.
We all want to be loved and valued and cherished. It’s a universal. But the bottom line is that two people coming together for a sexually intimate relationship is probably one of the most difficult things we EVER attempt. And it’s no surprise to anyone who’s studied this relationship field that a lot of them don’t work out. And a lot of the people we think of as “happily married” or in a “perfect relationship” are, as Comedian Louis C.K. points out in his most recent comedy show, “F*cking MISERABLE.”
Some people break up and others just stay together even though they both have settled and they are both miserable. They just don’t want to admit it to themselves or each other.
And in every other relationship where both partners actually experience it as really, really good, it will necessarily start to trigger what I like to call “sh*t”.
Childhood”sh*t”, previous relationship “sh*t”, even past life “sh*t” comes up.
And the fact that it comes up is actually really good because in order to heal stuff, we have to feel stuff. And who better to heal it with than your adorable lover?
The problem is that no one teaches us how to heal the stuff that comes up in our intimate relationships. We don’t consciously date to find someone to help us heal our childhood traumas. We date to find someone who makes us feel good right? Finding the perfect person to “trigger the hell” out of us is UNCONSCIOUS.
So we get into these relationships and everything is all lovey dovey for awhile until we inadvertently touch each other’s old traumas or “old wounds” which causes us to defend and close down.
And in our closed down state we start to tell ourselves stories about how the other person is doing this to us. We tend to focus on all the other things that are unexpressed or not resolved between us… and finally we either give in and accept that the price of not being alone is to be in this very unsatisfying relationship… or we seek to find something or someone else who is “better”.
The sad fact is that we tend to recreate the same scenarios and dynamics no matter who we are with…
So in order to stop the pattern. We need to get over not only THIS break up. But ALL the past breakups and actually address what is really going on in all of our relationships that is ultimately frustrating and dysfunctional. (BTW I know my punctuation is all messed up in the last 3 sentences but I did that on purpose)…. (did it bother you? Sheesh! You’re just like my MOTHER! ;o)
We ALL want someone to justify to us that it isn’t us, it’s THEM. That’s why we talk to our friends about our relationship problems instead of to each other. We talk to other people instead of to the actual person who is triggering the f*ck out of us. Duh. That ought to work right?
But it IS us AND it IS them. And without someone else to trigger us we can’t do the deep and difficult work of healing ourselves. And it always takes two to tango as they say.
So all that said, right now you just want some help in getting OVER this person who broke your heart, dumped you, ditched you, rejected you, cheated on you, abandoned you, used you, abused you and dropped you, or otherwise “did you wrong”.
Ok. I’ve got 3 extremely helpful tools that work fabulously if you’re actually ready to let go of this person and the culturally endorsed dream that somehow she or he was the “One”.
They broke up with you so they probably aren’t the “One”.
If you didn’t believe in the one you wouldn’t be bothered by this “one” not being it.
If you don’t believe in the “One” then whoever you happen to be with at the moment who you’re attracted to physically and who’s company you enjoy is perfect… for now. If it stops being enjoyable you can simply let go and move on to something better with someone else. Isn’t that the way it is with friends? We hang out for a while with someone and then something changes in either person’s life and a natural drifting apart process takes place. No biggie. Life goes on. We make new friends. No big deal.
What makes intimate relationships different is that we pour all this expectation and “story” into it that makes it like some gallderned fairytale… and we both buy into that story until it has too many holes in it to support it any more. And one of you had the good f*cking sense to call it.
So part of the problem that is causing you so much pain and suffering now is the belief that this person was the One. That he or she is NOT can only be reconciled by making them the bad guy and you the victim or you can change the belief. Without the belief it’s just not a big deal. You hung out for awhile. You had some good times. And sh*t changed. You both let go and moved on.
So I’ve gotten a lot of leverage on the pain thing by learning how to rapidly change beliefs. And if you’re open to it, I’ll be happy to teach you how to do it so you can just change any belief you want.
So easy to say right? Well, we just need to change the belief in the “One” to a belief that whatever is currently going on in your life, single, married, alone or with a partner is exactly what you most need right now in order to continue healing, growing and learning. It’s actually learning how to accept that whatever is actually happening is cool. And you actually can’t change the stuff that is actually happening. So learning how to accept what is ain’t just some jazzy new age idea, it’s something that actually works. And pretty fast too.
“Change your beliefs!” all the wise teachers say, but nobody tells you HOW. I’m gonna tell you how to change not just this one dumb belief that Walt Disney has drilled deep into our heads, but you will know how to change ANY belief about yourself. Get rid of old sh*tty beliefs. Install new POWERFUL beliefs. Presto change-o zing!
If you believe that you will never again find someone to have sex with that will cause you to feel bad. If you believe that there are dozens of hotties literally just waiting to meet you and give you the best sex of your life, you will feel very different.
Does that make sense? So Step one is to take charge of your beliefs about this relationship ending and to “filter for a different future” than the one you’ve been trained to imagine so far. If you have any questions at this point let me know ok? I promise to personally answer your questions. Contact
“Love yourself,” all the wise teachers say, but nobody tells you how to do that. I’m gonna teach you how in a minute. Hang in here with me. Ok?
There are two levels to this. Level one is dealing with physical love. Getting the good feelings we want physically. Level Two is getting the good feelings we want emotionally.
First we will deal with physical intimate love. And I will teach you how to get yourself off so well that you will never need anyone else to do it for you. You will become a master of making love to yourself. And you will learn to cultivate your own sexual energy for health, vitality and endurance. Just this piece of the course should cost $495 bucks. Because it’s really, really, fun, funny, and will forever change your life for the better.
We will deal with learning to love yourself emotionally. To fill your entire being with self acceptance and support. You will learn how to literally adore yourself. Honestly. Freely. To love yourself so much that you would never, ever allow another person to ruin your day. You will love yourself so much that you would always give yourself encouragement to go for your dreams. You will love yourself enough to realize that attempting to get love from another human being is pointless and crazy until you love yourself so much that you actually don’t care if your lover stays your lover or just becomes a friend.
You will feel so complete in and of yourself that you will not need someone else to “complete you.” And the good news for THEM is that you become a lot more freaking fun to be around. And so they stop wanting to break up and get the f*ck away from you.
In addition, Loving yourself is the only way for you to actually get the love you want from other people. Neediness repels. You are currently feeling pain because you thought you were getting your needs met by your lover and now they are gone. But if we are honest with ourselves we have to admit, you weren’t getting the love you wanted and they weren’t either. You were attempting to get it from each other. It seems like it works that way but it doesn’t.
So you are all stressed out about losing something that you never actually had. When you felt all loved by him or her, you were actually just creating those feelings inside yourself in response to your perception of the other person and what you imagined they were thinking. THAT’S what triggered all the mood enhancing bio chemistry in your body. YOUR thoughts. YOUR perceptions. YOUR beliefs.
You are the one who causes you to feel whatever you are feeling.
BUT IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT!
Seriously it’s not your fault. You ARE creating your emotions and your current pain. BUT it’s not your fault because nobody ever taught you how to run your own mind. And that’s the 2nd way I’m going to help you to get over a breakup. You are going to be your own little Jedi Mind Master when it comes to love. You are going to be complete and whole and in your power to the extent that you will never again feel like a needy, lonely child in the middle of a war zone.
Step Three is learning how to “re-program” your internal “process” of being in love with said “Ex” so that you’re no longer craving it like a kid who’s had his or her candy bar taken away.
You might be shocked at how easy it’s going to be to simply “delete” them from your neurology so that you totally fahget abowt ’em.
Or if you’d rather, you can totally change their status internally to be that of a good friend who you care about but are no longer in love with. This is the most fun part. I love teaching people how to program their futures to be filled with all the good stuff they really want. I love teaching people how to run their own minds so that they stop beating themselves up inside and start going for what they truly desire in their lives. You’re gonna love this part.
At this point I think I should probably tell you my story enough so you can see that everything I’m going to teach you is stuff I had to learn the hard way.
I’ve totally been where you are now and I did it over and over again until I finally realized that I was the one setting up these patterns and repeating them. I could console myself by saying “well at least you wrote some great songs out of all your failed relationships and break ups”, and that helps a little. What helps even more is the fact that as much as I deeply adore and love my current girlfriend, if it wasn’t for my 2 failed marriages and some gazillion other failed relationships I would not be in any position to be with her for the long term. And if I hadn’t mastered the art of getting over past relationships I never would have gotten to be in a great one with her.
And I also have to say that if this one ever ends, I will be very, very sad. I adore her and I’ve never enjoyed the company of another person as much as I do hers. If it ever doesn’t work out, I will lovingly release her and get on with my life, open to whatever new possibilities are awaiting me. And knowing that neither one of us is desperate to be with each other and that we both enjoy our own company, keeps us “holding on loosely” so that neither one of us wants to be with anyone else. Now. If it changes we will definitely talk about it. We are committed to that.
And every time we trigger each other, we have so far been able to get up the courage to openly talk about it and address the issues and resolve the misunderstandings between us without making each other the “bad” guy…
Ok. are you ready? Here’s my credentials in addition to the boring stuff like, “Certified Master Practitioner and Trainer of NLP, Hypnosis and Time Line Therapy Techniques(tm) since 2003, private practice for 13 years etc…
- Fell in love With Monica in kindergarten. She moved away (The b*tch! ;o)
- Fell in love with the school nurse in 4th grade. She told me I was too young for her. (Sheesh! total rejection)
- Fell in love with Judy in 5th grade. Got my sister to ask her if she liked me. She did NOT. OUCH.
- Fell in love with this really tall girl in 6th grade AND this really short girl who had just moved to my town from France. They were not interested in me.
- In seventh grade I was in love with my sister’s friend and she held my hand once and then moved on to a much older guy who she later married.
- In eighth grade I had deep longings for this girl Clara who kissed me after the school musical did it’s final show to a sold out crowd of adoring parents.
- In 9th grade the minister’s daughter. YES the MINISTER’S daughter literally put the MOVES on me and converted me to the religion of what boy parts and girl parts are designed to be done with… I broke up with her in Bible camp because I felt guilty and sinful. And within minutes she replaced me with a kid who I thought was a loser. But he was the winner. I was the loser. (so sometimes doing the breaking up is worse because I longed for her for YEARS after that).
- There’s a lot, lot more but I won’t waste your precious attention on this other than my 2 marriages, one lasted 13 years and the other lasted exactly 365 days. The 2nd marriage breakup was the one that almost killed me. She was beautiful. Bright. Fun. And CRAZY as hell (with good reason). And I did not know how to communicate to her or lead as women yearn for men to lead. and the techniques that kept me alive and that I would love to share with YOU were developed out of THAT relationship. AND the good news is they kept me ALIVE and there were a lot of amazing women who I dated AFTER her. And I even got to experience a period of time where I was openly and honestly dating 4 women at the same time. And of those 4 women, I ended up breaking up with 3 of them in order to be focused on my current girlfriend and I am still very, very good friends with each of them. And that to me is the biggest credential I have to offer you so that you can feel confident knowing that what I might offer you is tested, proven and immediately applicable to YOUR life.
Ok? is that enough? or do you want more? I think it’s enough but if you want to hear more of my disastrous love life over the course of 30 years feel free to hit me up with an email. Contact me here
Now do you want to know the 3 techniques to forever eradicate your ex from your mind?
Or do you want to learn how to just gently remove them from the list of longed for lovers and slam them deep into the friend zone where they suddenly realize they made a big mistake? And then have the satisfaction of watching them crawl back to you on their knees begging for forgiveness and for you to take them back? While you gently reach down to kiss the top of their head and gently say. “I’m so sorry honey, no harm, no foul, but I’ve moved on.”
Also you’ve been reading and supporting my work for a while and I really appreciate that. And you took your precious attention away from all the other stuff that you normally think about to spend it with me. We are connecting you and I energetically. Through the symbols of these words. I am having pleasurable electrical stimulations in my mind that communicates instantly to my fingers typing on this keyboard which I am pasting up here on the internet thing called a blog… you have been reading this and have vicariously entered my world.
And because I know you…. I know you are like me. Because this problem of getting over a love relationship is such a universal experience. I’m in a position to transfer some precious knowledge to you. Knowledge that can so powerfully affect your life that from this point on you can literally create exactly what you want, where you want, with whomever you want.
This knowledge will help you get out of pain. This knowledge will help you to live a happier, healthier, more successful life.
Usually there is a price to pay for this knowledge. I’ve paid a steep price. I offer it to you for far, far, less. And it motivates the hell out of me to know I can help more people to avoid the pain and suffering I used to know so well.
Some kinds of pain in life are not optional. This one IS optional. You can stop it. Tonight. You can keep it stopped. You can move on. You CAN deeply internalize the realization that you are fine on your own. You are fine with someone else, You are fine no matter what turn the course of your life takes. It’s all a learning experience and having tools to “get the lesson” and move on makes all the difference.
If you are ready and would like to go deeper with me… here’s how
Click this link to check out my “Kick the Break Up Blues and Get On With Your Life” course: “How To Get Over A Break Up” NOW!