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Seduction

The Provider Paradox – Nice Guy or Bad Boy?

December 30, 2018 by Mark Shepard

Hey Guys,

One of my endless quests  here at Honest Hypnosis is to understand what is REALLY going on between the ears of modern men and women. Look around. Most men AND women seem to be confused, frustrated and miserable.

LONELINESS IS RAMPANT PEOPLE!

Marriages don’t last. Relationships start out with lots of love and devolve into quiet desperation. I see so many guys who are in a lot of pain because they can’t seem to attract the kinds of women they actually want. And I see a lot of women who can’t seem to find ANY men.  All they see are whiny, desperate, porn addicted BOYS.

This short video presents a compelling argument against the extremes of masculine “roles” or archetypes. On the one hand are guys who have bought into the idea that they must sacrifice themselves to PROVIDE for the woman… and the classic “alpha, bad boy, jerk” who basically wants to spread his genes EVERYWHERE. These bad boys couldn’t care less about a woman as anything other than a convenient receptacle for their sperm…

What do YOU think?

As a man, when I “fancy” a woman. I DO want to take care of her and provide for her. I want to be her hero. AND I want to practice making babies ALLL the fucking time. But after years of “practicing” and “failure” a few things have become clear.

A true alpha male is able to bring both of these energies to the “romantic table.” He is powerful AND compassionate. He is a LEADER who is passionate about his LIFE. And high quality women want to be a part of his life… But he qualifies THEM.

A few keys to flipping the frame are simple (but not easy).

  1. Stop trying to buy a woman’s attraction. Stop “giving to get.”
  2. Stop being mad at women for accepting your resources but not giving you the sex you think she should give you back. It’s part of their genetic code for SURVIVAL.
  3. Be generous but not stupid.
  4. Stop with “one-itis.” Stop with putting women up on pedestal. Stop giving your power away to women. Be AWARE that there are many, many women who will respond to either Provider or Bad Boy archetypes. Being a wimp doesn’t work. And being an arrogant shithead is a surefire recipe for misery as well.
  5. BEGIN to practice being AUTHENTICALLY in charge of your own life…

As a man who adores women. I’ve struggled with this dichotomy for a long time. My mother “hypnotized” me into attempting to becoming “the good man.” She was an ardent feminist who convinced me that wanting to have sex with women without being in a monogamous relationship first was “bad.”

“Don’t look at women like their pieces of meat!” she would exhort…

So of course the more she told me not to… the more I wanted to… but that served to convince me that somehow I was a bad man for wanting to look at women’s bodies.

Huh? Yeah. Can you relate?

Sex was supposed to be the ultimate expression of love. Sex without love was misogynistic and evidence of the oppressive male dominant “Patriarchy” that was the cause of everything bad that ever happened to women (according to my mother and other feminists at the time).

Women say they want this wonderful guy who treats them like a princess. Who is sensitive to their needs. Who is there for them. Who shows up. Who they can count on.  Who they feel safe with. Who isn’t only interested in them for the sex etc.

But their unconscious minds discount this guy as a “sucker.” A woman’s unconscious genetic programming is looking for good genetics, protection, and provision. THIS is the female survival strategy.

And it worked like a charm for the first couple of million years.

The strongest men, the best hunters, the leaders, the bravest warriors, the survivors stimulated a female’s desire to mate… and those guys got the most desire-able women. Those women got the most desire-able men. It was a win/win.

BUT. Those guys didn’t always live a long time. They were risk takers. They were often in harm’s way.

So to SURVIVE and help her children to SURVIVE, she HAD to have a “back up plan” which usually works out to couple of “nice guy wanna be’s” (beta males) waiting in the wings for when the chief got bumped off…

Being physically weaker than warrior males, women had to use indirect forms of power to get what they needed to protect themselves and their children. They had to be flexible. They had to be able to switch sides at a moment’s notice. They had to be able to keep men interested and “on the hook” often without giving up their edge which was the possibility of mating…

For the survival of the species.

But now? WTF?

Things are confusing to most good men. Ethical, caring, compassionate men. Men who are fully in support of a woman’s equality and right to choose. Men who applaud women as they accomplish more and more in the formerly male arena of achievement.

And THOSE high achieving warrior women? Who are THEY attracted to? Are they attracted to this wonderful nice guy who is so encouraging and supportive?

Sorry guys.

Amazing women are attracted to MEN not BOYS.

Amazing women are attracted to men who are even more badass than THEY are.

So guys. If you want high quality, high status, hot, smart, amazing women, be prepared to change your approach to the entire field of dating, romance, and love.

And that starts with your MIND. It starts with questioning what you were taught by your parents, teachers, church, etc.

Great love is still possible.

In fact deep, satisfying, intimate, fun, sexy, romantic, heathy relating IS possible. But being a “nice guy” isn’t going to get it for you. And being an “Asshole Jerk” is just a false act of puffed up machismo bravado that may get you laid but not loved.

The key is to “Pledge allegiance to your self for the sake of your own health.” (from my song “Freedom” from my “Key To Your Cage” album)

Focus on what YOU want out of YOUR life. Seek out and pursue YOUR PURPOSE. And your purpose is not to provide everything for a women’s ease and benefit just because she happens to be pretty.

Your purpose is ultimately the thing you will not give up for ANYONE.

Not a woman, not your parents. No one and nothing. A woman can beautifully compliment your purpose. But if YOU don’t have a purpose for your life, someone else will attempt to hijack it for THEIR purposes.

My purpose is to create a life where I can make the kind of music I want to make, the way I want to make it, WHEN I want to make it. Everything I do for over 40 years now has been to serve that purpose. All the hypnosis stuff. All the research into human behavior, health, healing etc. everything has always been me attempting to clear the crap that stood in the way of this purpose. One day I realized that my patterns with women and relationships were part of the problem. My mother didn’t support me being a musician and everything I internalized from her said, “give up your dream. Provide for your family. Sacrifice for the feminine imperative.”

A man MUST challenge this shit. A Man MUST seek out his purpose FIRST.

YOUR PURPOSE is something that energizes and attracts you MORE than any woman ever could. Your PURPOSE is something bigger than you. Something endlessly fascinating and emotionally compelling. It’s something that your woman has to accept about you. Something that she knows comes FIRST. BEFORE HER.

If a woman tries to get you to put aside your purpose and take on hers instead, you have just lost her. It was a test.

If you tell her “no!” (and mean it) you have just made yourself even more attractive to her. Does that make any kind of sense?

What the best women truly want is a man who is complete, empowered, self directed, strong, healthy, and NOT CONTROLLABLE by a woman.

And women subconsciously test this all the time. YOUR job as a man is to work on YOURSELF, FOR YOURSELF. Enjoy women. Appreciate them. Delight in their company. But stop chasing them. Stop giving them everything. Stop “selling” them on what a good guy you are. Stop supplicating. Stop begging. AND stop bullying and berating.

Instead BECOME the kind of man YOU dream about becoming. You will discover that the authentic man you truly are is the man they DREAM about.

This is not an “instant fix.” There is no “pickup line” that will magically deliver all the hottest women to you and keep them cumming back for more.

The progress and development of “senior male energy” as one of my former girlfriends called it, takes experience. Experience takes TIME.

And we are all running out of time. So it just might be time to get to work.

It’s time to get to work on YOU. Not on attempting to impress her, or women in general. You mastering YOU is the hottest thing you can do for HER.

It’s a bit of a paradox. But it’s an AMAZING win/win as this path with heart unfolds. YOU get to live a great life with lots of freedom and choices. SHE gets BOTH a provider AND a powerful man who is not chained to the “matrix”. She also gets a man that she clearly knows has lots of choices when it comes to women. This causes her to never take you for granted (which is good for both of you).

If you are open minded about mastering your mind for a change in this extremely vital area of your life, check out my “Better Man Blueprint.” It’s an ongoing program for self motivated men who want it all. At the moment it is not even available. other than through this link. It’s new. And I constantly add to it. It’s like having me in your corner of YOUR championship life.

A Better Man. A Better Life. Better Women. Less Strife.

Thoughts? Questions? Examples? I want to hear from you. Contact me.

I WILL answer.

– Mark

The Better Man Blueprint Invitation

Filed Under: Articles, Dating, Dating and Relating, Relationships, Seduction

The Better Man Project 001 Intro & Shy Guy Help

November 10, 2017 by Mark Shepard

In This Video: I Introduce my new 90 day challenge, “The Better Man Project” Which is essentially, “How To be the kind of man that the women you want Desire.”

Or to put it another way, This is about how to become authentically masculine around high quality women. Whether you’re in school or starting out from scratch after a divorce 18-100 there’s SERIOUS HOPE FOR YOU!
Also in this episode I coach a young man named Jon who is struggling to simply say “hi” to a girl at his school that he is interested in. CHECK IT OUT!

Stuck on one girl who doesn’t know you exist? Forget HER.
Take Away: Start practicing say “hi” to EVERYONE.

  • Want to go deeper? Check out my courses!
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Filed Under: 90 Day Challenge, Dating Tips for Shy Guys, Male Performance Anxiety, Rejection, Relationships, Seduction, The Better Man

The Biggest Mistake Men Make With Women

March 22, 2011 by Mark Shepard

24123148_sIt’s got to be one of the biggest mistakes men make with women.

Particularly shy guys, we make this mistake so often we can’t even see we are making it.

This article was triggered a moment ago by a clip from one of Ross Jeffries workshops. I shamelessly plug Ross Jeffries on this site because after years of research with all the major dating gurus out there ONLY this guy is really and truly pulling aside the curtain of unconscious thinking that keeps us from our hearts desires.

Let me explain.

In the video clip, Ross is talking to a group of guys and he’s trying to get across the point that it’s not what we are that attracts women, it’s not what we have, it’s how we make her feel and what states we can lead her into that create the behaviors we want,  attraction, lust, desire, connection, etc.

He uses the analogy of a burger joint. He says to the group of guys there, “you and I open competing hamburger stands. I’ll give you any competitive advantage you want.”

What they would do to get an edge on their competition?

One guy says, “I’d sell a bigger burger” another guy says, “I’d have better quality beef, another one says “I’d have the most interesting menu of lemonade and sides and topping.”

This is how guys think. Right? I’ll get the shiniest car. I’ll wear the nicest Armani suit, I’ll work out like a fiend at the gym so I’ll have six pack abs, I’ll tell her about my high paying job. And THEN she’ll want to be with me, go to bed with me, etc.

Do you see the “stinkin’ thinkin'” there? Listen up. It’s not about that stuff.

Jeffries shakes it all out. He tells the group, “You can have all that competitive advantage, I’ll take the hungry crowd. When someone is hungry they are more naturally going to give you the behavior of buying your burger.”

Right!

Most guys spend all their time on these material things like cars and clothes and jobs, thinking that will bring in the babes. It’s like the burger stand owner focusing all his attention on creating a better burger. It’s not totally pointless but it doesn’t really bring the result he wants.

So let me unpack this for you painfully shy guys. You spend so much energy worrying about being rejected. You spend so much energy talking yourself out of saying hello. You make a list in your mind of why she won’t want you. Am I right?

That’s like the guy in the burger stand focused on what a crappy joint he has. It’s like the burger stand owner feeling sorry for himself because the guy across the street has better parking.

But it’s not about the parking.

You have to stop all that! The focus has to change from your negative self absorbed hallucinating to her. But in a different way than just gazing at her longingly.

You have to create emotional states in her that are conducive to her feeling attraction and desire for you.

How do you do that?

For the extremely shy guy like you?

You have to first learn to manage your emotional states.

The fear, anxiety and panic that cause you to lose it around pretty girls and women is stopping you from being able to create desirable emotional states in her that lead to attraction and romance. Your first step is to stop that runaway fear train inside you. When I first used NLP on myself to stop being shy, it took me literally less than 10 minutes. It might take you more or less time but that’s not the point. The point is you can change this. You don’t have to suffer alone with this any longer.

So. What are you waiting for?

I hope you take some decisive action today. None of us are getting any younger. Don’t let your life slip by because of your fear. Do SOMETHING now!

How to stop being shy around beautiful women

Remember as a shy guy you have all the basic tools to create spectacular success with women.

  • You have sensitivity.
  • You have a vivid and creative imagination.
  • You are intelligent.
  • You are caring and trustworthy
  • You are so much more than just a “shy guy”

Start using those resources to get what you want instead of using them to keep yourself miserable.

On a more serious note, If you are painfully shy and need help to stop being shy or coaching to change the old patterns and habits of belief and behavior that are keeping you lonely, reach out!

Interested in other hypnosis videos and self help programs? Got questions? I’m a real guy and I’m here for you with some honest answers so if you’d like to reach out and contact me that’s cool, let’s talk.

Filed Under: Approach Anxiety, Articles, Relationships, Seduction

Ross Jeffries Demonstrates Putting A Woman In Trance

August 9, 2010 by Mark Shepard

This is from the recent New York City Ross Jeffries Speed Seduction Seminar that I attended.

(In fact, I’m in this video! That’s the back of my head in the foreground of the shot!) You can’t quite see it in this video because of the back-lighting but this young woman definitely looked “spaced out,” “tranced out” or slightly drunk.

But sitting there in the room I could literally see the transformation happen.

More comments below the video…

The point I’m trying to make for you shy guys is two fold.

First of all, I was sitting in a room of 50 guys who basically all admitted to being either currently or formerly as painfully shy as you.

Second, Each of those guys was only different from you in that they actually had reached a point where they were no longer able to accept their lot in life and they took action!

In my opinion the best part of the seminar was not the demos. It was the belief change work Ross did with the group in order to eradicate the crappy thinking patterns that guys have either been trained into or have self hypnotized themselves into around women. There is so much garbage drilled into both men and women in our screwed up culture that by the time you reach adulthood, you need some serious personal work to clear it.

Not just you. All of us.

You can save a lot of time and money and pain by getting help.

Check out my new course…

How to stop being shy around beautiful women

On a more serious note, If you are painfully shy and need help to stop being shy or coaching to change the old patterns and habits of belief and behavior that are keeping you lonely, reach out!

Interested in other hypnosis videos and self help programs? Got questions? I’m a real guy and I’m here for you with some honest answers so if you’d like to reach out and contact me that’s cool, let’s talk.

Filed Under: Articles, Dating, Seduction

How to Stop Being Stuck in the Friend Zone

July 19, 2010 by Mark Shepard

Beautiful young womanIt happened again, didn’t it?

You feel so attracted and head over heels in love with this gorgeous woman. She even seems to like you…but only as a friend.

What to do?

This is one of the biggest areas of pain and frustration for shy guys. Here’s what we do to shoot ourselves in the foot.

Three things to avoid at all costs!

1. When we’re attracted to a woman we become helpful.

The moment a guy starts helping a woman out, with those wonderful nerdy skills with computers or fixing things or whatever, it causes her to put you in the FRIEND ZONE. If you make yourself valuable to a woman it does not cause her to think romantic thoughts about you, because then if it ends “who will fix my computer?”

2. When we’re attracted to a woman we want to listen and be supportive.

WRONG! Do not become a woman’s therapist. let them pay someone to bitch and moan about all their jerky boyfriends. The moment a woman starts to ask you for advice you must learn how to shut it down and turn the conversation towards the feelings and experiences she wants to have romantically.

Ross Jeffries basically says, “I tell a woman point blank when she asks me for advice, ‘Women don’t f#$k guys who give them advice.’ then I change the subject.”

3. When we’re attracted to a woman we shut down our masculine sexuality or hide our real intentions

We’re afraid of scaring her away or we’re afraid of being too forward, or we’ve bought in to some old cultural programming about what women want or what we think women don’t want.

Face it. Be honest.

YOU WANT MORE THAN JUST TO BE “FRIENDS” don’t you? What would happen if you were just honest?

Here’s a personal story. God this is embarrassing…

I was raised by a feminist mother… All I heard about growing up was how bad it was that men saw women as “pieces of meat”.  Strong alpha male types were basically identified as the cause of every problem for the last 100,000 years. So I shut that part of me down. I didn’t want to be a bad man.I wanted to one of the good guys…

At one point I ended up in a sexless marriage (she had originally picked me up at the college library) and I went to this new age healing class as part of my desperate attempts to figure stuff out. At one point the teacher made me go around the room and admit to every woman in the class (of course i was the only guy) that I found each one of them attractive and wanted to have sex with her. It was hugely freeing. And interestingly none of them tried to claw my eyes out.

The lesson (aside from the fact that New Age healing retreats are great places to meet women) is that

  1. Women like sex.
  2. Women want to be desired by men.
  3. Women are attracted to strong men who will… you get the idea

The other thing is that even if a woman says she doesn’t want anything more than friendship, women change their minds all the time. But you are not going to change her mind by telling her what you think she wants to hear or by being extra nice and patient with her.

You might change her mind by honestly telling her what you want and being okay with her not wanting it and walking away.

Another shy guy/nice guy thing we do is take a woman’s first statement as unalterable fact.

How to stop being shy around beautiful women

Transforming ourselves from the classic nerds into the kinds of men who the women we want desire, doesn’t mean we ever have to become remotely like the jerks who seem to get all the women. There is another kind of man who we can become. The kind of man who women fantasize about…

The kind of guy who honestly tells her what he wants (without bullying, begging or buying) and who is willing to walk away if she’s not into him…because he has unlimited options.

Becoming that guy is not an instant fix. But it can happen a lot faster if you actually get some help along the way.

I have years of experience helping people overcome fears, phobias and anxiety. If you can’t even get yourself to talk to a woman, I can help you stop stopping yourself.

The really important thing is just to be fully aware that you can realize the change you’re looking for…

And here’s how

Click the link below to:

  • Check out my Shy Guy Help program
  • Review my hypnosis video programs
  • Contact me today

Or just leave a comment below 🙂

Filed Under: Approach Anxiety, Articles, Dating, Overcome Shyness, Relationships, Seduction, Uncategorized

Shy Guy Help From Ross Jeffries Speed Seduction Seminar

June 29, 2010 by Mark Shepard

6378297_mRoss Jeffries Speed Seduction Seminar Review Part 2

As I mentioned in my last article, I had the chance to attend Ross Jeffries Speed Seduction Seminar in New York City recently. I wanted to quickly share a few of the mind opening discoveries that as Ross would say himself, “set him head and shoulders above any other dating coach,” dating guru, self help teacher, dating adviser, pick up artist teacher.

Are you ready?

Here is one of the most powerful concepts Ross Shared:

“Teaching is about transforming consciousness” – Ross Jeffries

He went on to demonstrate a classic hypnosis technique called “pacing current experience” that he would be weaving in to his program throughout the weekend.

He said:

“Some of what I teach will be familiar, some of what I teach will be somewhat new. some of what I teach my seem strange…” – Ross Jeffries

Later on he would teach us how to use the same method when leaving voice mail message with women…

One of the next key pieces he laid out for us was essentially why we were all there. The majority of the audience consisted of men who were shy as well as men who fell into the classic “nice guy” syndrome. Ross was clear on what it was they all wanted:

“to have choice, predictability, control, power and select-ability with women without being a Jerk or a Begger,  a Buyer or a Bully in order to get our desires fulfilled.

The “nice guy” finishes last. The Pleasant Guy finishes first and sets the rules of the race.”

Ross then pointed out the difference between a “Nice Guy” and  “Pleasant Guy”

The nice guy gets sucked in to a woman’s emotional storms making her emotions his reality. He confuses enmeshment with compassion. The pleasant guy can see where a woman is at, what’s going on with her, but stays in his own power, grounded in his own energy and intent.

This to me felt like Ross Jeffries was ripping the filters off “reality”. If only I had known this one piece of wisdom back in my 20’s! What misery I could have avoided! Oh well.

Ross then went on to define pleasant:

“Pleasant is Power, held in restraint and exercised with precision, surrounded by a man’s own rules and standards.”

That’s all I have time for today. I’m on my way to pick up my gorgeous, goddess of a girlfriend at the airport.

The really important thing is just to be fully aware that you can realize the change you’re looking for…

And here’s how

Click the link below to:

  • Check out my Shy Guy Help program
  • Review my hypnosis video programs
  • Contact me today

Or just leave a comment below 🙂

Filed Under: Approach Anxiety, Articles, Dating, Relationships, Seduction

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