It happened again, didn’t it?
You feel so attracted and head over heels in love with this gorgeous woman. She even seems to like you…but only as a friend.
What to do?
This is one of the biggest areas of pain and frustration for shy guys. Here’s what we do to shoot ourselves in the foot.
Three things to avoid at all costs!
1. When we’re attracted to a woman we become helpful.
The moment a guy starts helping a woman out, with those wonderful nerdy skills with computers or fixing things or whatever, it causes her to put you in the FRIEND ZONE. If you make yourself valuable to a woman it does not cause her to think romantic thoughts about you, because then if it ends “who will fix my computer?”
2. When we’re attracted to a woman we want to listen and be supportive.
WRONG! Do not become a woman’s therapist. let them pay someone to bitch and moan about all their jerky boyfriends. The moment a woman starts to ask you for advice you must learn how to shut it down and turn the conversation towards the feelings and experiences she wants to have romantically.
Ross Jeffries basically says, “I tell a woman point blank when she asks me for advice, ‘Women don’t f#$k guys who give them advice.’ then I change the subject.”
3. When we’re attracted to a woman we shut down our masculine sexuality or hide our real intentions
We’re afraid of scaring her away or we’re afraid of being too forward, or we’ve bought in to some old cultural programming about what women want or what we think women don’t want.
Face it. Be honest.
YOU WANT MORE THAN JUST TO BE “FRIENDS” don’t you? What would happen if you were just honest?
Here’s a personal story. God this is embarrassing…
I was raised by a feminist mother… All I heard about growing up was how bad it was that men saw women as “pieces of meat”. Strong alpha male types were basically identified as the cause of every problem for the last 100,000 years. So I shut that part of me down. I didn’t want to be a bad man.I wanted to one of the good guys…
At one point I ended up in a sexless marriage (she had originally picked me up at the college library) and I went to this new age healing class as part of my desperate attempts to figure stuff out. At one point the teacher made me go around the room and admit to every woman in the class (of course i was the only guy) that I found each one of them attractive and wanted to have sex with her. It was hugely freeing. And interestingly none of them tried to claw my eyes out.
The lesson (aside from the fact that New Age healing retreats are great places to meet women) is that
- Women like sex.
- Women want to be desired by men.
- Women are attracted to strong men who will… you get the idea
The other thing is that even if a woman says she doesn’t want anything more than friendship, women change their minds all the time. But you are not going to change her mind by telling her what you think she wants to hear or by being extra nice and patient with her.
You might change her mind by honestly telling her what you want and being okay with her not wanting it and walking away.
Another shy guy/nice guy thing we do is take a woman’s first statement as unalterable fact.
Transforming ourselves from the classic nerds into the kinds of men who the women we want desire, doesn’t mean we ever have to become remotely like the jerks who seem to get all the women. There is another kind of man who we can become. The kind of man who women fantasize about…
The kind of guy who honestly tells her what he wants (without bullying, begging or buying) and who is willing to walk away if she’s not into him…because he has unlimited options.
Becoming that guy is not an instant fix. But it can happen a lot faster if you actually get some help along the way.
I have years of experience helping people overcome fears, phobias and anxiety. If you can’t even get yourself to talk to a woman, I can help you stop stopping yourself.
The really important thing is just to be fully aware that you can realize the change you’re looking for…
And here’s how
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