Honest Hypnosis

Master Your Mind... for a Change

Overcome Shyness

How to Stop Being Stuck in the Friend Zone

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Beautiful young womanIt happened again, didn’t it?

You feel so attracted and head over heels in love with this gorgeous woman. She even seems to like you…but only as a friend.

What to do?

This is one of the biggest areas of pain and frustration for shy guys. Here’s what we do to shoot ourselves in the foot.

Three things to avoid at all costs!

1. When we’re attracted to a woman we become helpful.

The moment a guy starts helping a woman out, with those wonderful nerdy skills with computers or fixing things or whatever, it causes her to put you in the FRIEND ZONE. If you make yourself valuable to a woman it does not cause her to think romantic thoughts about you, because then if it ends “who will fix my computer?”

2. When we’re attracted to a woman we want to listen and be supportive.

WRONG! Do not become a woman’s therapist. let them pay someone to bitch and moan about all their jerky boyfriends. The moment a woman starts to ask you for advice you must learn how to shut it down and turn the conversation towards the feelings and experiences she wants to have romantically.

Ross Jeffries basically says, “I tell a woman point blank when she asks me for advice, ‘Women don’t f#$k guys who give them advice.’ then I change the subject.”

3. When we’re attracted to a woman we shut down our masculine sexuality or hide our real intentions

We’re afraid of scaring her away or we’re afraid of being too forward, or we’ve bought in to some old cultural programming about what women want or what we think women don’t want.

Face it. Be honest.

YOU WANT MORE THAN JUST TO BE “FRIENDS” don’t you? What would happen if you were just honest?

Here’s a personal story. God this is embarrassing…

I was raised by a feminist mother… All I heard about growing up was how bad it was that men saw women as “pieces of meat”.  Strong alpha male types were basically identified as the cause of every problem for the last 100,000 years. So I shut that part of me down. I didn’t want to be a bad man.I wanted to one of the good guys…

At one point I ended up in a sexless marriage (she had originally picked me up at the college library) and I went to this new age healing class as part of my desperate attempts to figure stuff out. At one point the teacher made me go around the room and admit to every woman in the class (of course i was the only guy) that I found each one of them attractive and wanted to have sex with her. It was hugely freeing. And interestingly none of them tried to claw my eyes out.

The lesson (aside from the fact that New Age healing retreats are great places to meet women) is that

  1. Women like sex.
  2. Women want to be desired by men.
  3. Women are attracted to strong men who will… you get the idea

The other thing is that even if a woman says she doesn’t want anything more than friendship, women change their minds all the time. But you are not going to change her mind by telling her what you think she wants to hear or by being extra nice and patient with her.

You might change her mind by honestly telling her what you want and being okay with her not wanting it and walking away.

Another shy guy/nice guy thing we do is take a woman’s first statement as unalterable fact.

How to stop being shy around beautiful women

Transforming ourselves from the classic nerds into the kinds of men who the women we want desire, doesn’t mean we ever have to become remotely like the jerks who seem to get all the women. There is another kind of man who we can become. The kind of man who women fantasize about…

The kind of guy who honestly tells her what he wants (without bullying, begging or buying) and who is willing to walk away if she’s not into him…because he has unlimited options.

Becoming that guy is not an instant fix. But it can happen a lot faster if you actually get some help along the way.

I have years of experience helping people overcome fears, phobias and anxiety. If you can’t even get yourself to talk to a woman, I can help you stop stopping yourself.

The really important thing is just to be fully aware that you can realize the change you’re looking for…

And here’s how

Click the link below to:

Or just leave a comment below 🙂

Best Places to Meet Women If You Are a Painfully Shy Guy

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19026293_sOne of the biggest challenges a lot of my shy guy clients have is where to meet the kinds of women who might truly appreciate a quieter, more thoughtful kind of guy.

Almost without exception shy guys by nature have never been attracted to “Picking up chicks in bars or clubs.”

Where can shy guys meeting girls?

Shy guys with highly sensitive neurological systems tend to not like loud, crowded places. That is totally fine. You can find a whole world of women who feel the same way who are wishing someone like you would come into her life and offer her a new direction.

But you have to actually do something different than what you’ve been doing! Turn off your freaking computer and your TV and get out of the damn house. Or if you are the “Work late every night” type. You have to get out of the office by 5:00 pm at least one night a week and get OUT.

The strategy here is to expose yourself (no I don’t mean with your raincoat!) on a continual basis with groups of people who will give you a chance to be yourself. Places where the quiet, kind, compassionate person you are can be noticed.

Here are a couple of ideas to get you started:

How to stop being shy around beautiful women

Spiritual Communities

Churches & Synagogues, Zen & Yoga Centers – Now, you don’t have to start going to some bible thumper fundamentalist wacky group or start growing your Hasidic earlocks (unless of course that’s your thing). There are plenty of normal people who are spiritual and who enjoy being inspired with other people in a community. If you’re not deeply religious but feel like you are a spiritual person check out the

  • Unitarian Universalist Society or a Unity Church.
  • Main Line Protestant Churches can be quite open as well. Presbyterians and Episcopalians can be great fun if you can get a little wine flowing…
  • Another cool religion that you can check out and meet lots of intelligent open minded women is the Bahai Faith. They are all about world peace and are not about pressure or conversion quotas.
  • Yoga centers also have spiritual but not necessarily religious gatherings that you can gently become a “regular” at.
  • Zen Buddhism is a pretty low key spiritual path you might want to check out as well…

Volunteer Organizations

Face it. You are a selfish little prig who sits at home feeling lonely because you are self absorbed! Admit it! Being shy is all about worrying about your self. (I know this from personal experience)

Time to get up off your butt and out of the house to start volunteering for stuff. Now I’m not suggesting you volunteer at the battered women’s shelter because although you will meet women, you want to meet women who are “normal” or at least not as screwed up as battered women. Being a recovering nice guy you’ll attempt to try to “help” them. So forgot about shelters.

However, Animal shelters, are a whole different thing. Lots of women love animals and volunteer for organizations that have to do with rehabilitating hurt bunnies and kittens. Do some research. Find an organization you believe in and go volunteer. You may have to try a couple. One student of mine found an organization that used horses to help build self esteem with kids. They had a need for caring adults to walk the horses around the ring while the kids rode. He was the only guy. The rest were all very attractive women from their 20’s to their 50’s… Do it.

Cooking Classes

Chances are your cooking skills suck and could use some improvement. Chances are there are cooking classes being given all around you. Chances are you will be one of the few guys there. This is s no lose situation. The worst thing that could happen is you could actually learn how to make a decent meal for yourself. Best thing is that you could learn how to make a decent meal with one of the women you meet there.

Speaking of classes, check out this next idea…

Continuing Education Classes at Your Local Community College

Here are just a few courses from my local community college summer program:

  • Massage Therapy
  • Reiki
  • Wine tasting
  • Aikido – a martial art that attracts lots of women
  • Tai Chi
  • Yoga
  • Intro to Adobe Photo Shop
  • Italian Wines and Cheese
  • French Cuisine
  • Spanish Cuisine
  • Hands On Archaeology

Community Supported Agriculture / Organic Farms / Farmers Markets

Into healthy outdoors type chicks? Volunteer at your local Organic Farm. Go to a farmers market and find the stand with the most attractive women. Ask them how you can help.

Once you begin to get comfortable with your new friends you can begin to incorporate some of the other strategies of comfortable, engaging, seductive conversation…

The really important thing is just to be fully aware that you can realize the change you’re looking for…

And here’s how

Click the link below to:

Or just leave a comment below 🙂

Ross Jeffries Speed Seduction Seminar Review

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6378297_mRoss Jeffries is the original alpha male of the men’s dating advice crowd.

  • David D’angelo of “Double Your Dating”
  • Mystery of the “Mystery Method”
  • Neil Strauss author of the bestselling book “The Game”
  • and countless others

Are all former students of Ross Jeffries, creator of Speed Seduction™.

Since I divorced in 1998, I set out on a journey to learn:

  • How to Overcome shyness and my fear of approaching women (left over from high school)
  • How to artfully seduce a woman in the highest and most mutually satisfying way
  • How to stay in my power as a man instead of always being the “nice guy” that ends up in the “friends only” zone
  • How to create the deep powerful positive emotions women want in relationships while staying true to my self
  • How to manage my states and emotions through the inevitable rollercoaster of initiating, maintaing and ending relationships with women

Learning NLP enabled me to destroy my shyness in moments. Then, I needed to develop and practice new beliefs and skill sets… practice does take time. Every year I’ve studied and taken my knowledge to new levels.

This past weekend, I had the privilege of attending Ross Jeffries’ Speed Seduction Seminar in New York City.

It was immediately apparent that Ross is absolutely one of the best teachers I’ve ever encountered. Concepts that just seemed beyond me were powerfully installed by the end of the weekend so that I felt for the first time that I had the tools to introduce myself to any woman, anywhere and be in charge of not only my own states and emotions but of where I wanted to lead a woman.

My initial reaction to Ross when I first heard about him, a couple of years ago, was not positive.

He seemed arrogant and full of himself. What is so cool about him is that he freely admits he’s arrogant. What he is modeling to his students is the ability to delight in your own mastery. False humility is not sexy. Cockiness backed up with real, tangible ability, knowledge, insight, etc is.

The other first impression I had was that he was crude. He is crude. He freely admits to being crude. He is totally and authentically himself. Crude is fun. Ross is all about fun.

How to stop being shy around beautiful women

Crude is fucking awesome!

The next level of my discovery was that Ross may be arrogant and crude but his methods work. His speed seduction techniques are thoroughly grounded in NLP and Ericksonian conversational hypnosis.  In other words they work with the mind, and with how the the mind is wired.  More precisely, Ross teaches material that unlocks the keys to how women perceive and process their emotional states.

Previous to this seminar I had purchased Ross Jeffries Speed Seduction Home Study Course which helped a lot in the past year to create my current incredible relationship. In fact I would be willing to venture that without having studied Ross Jeffries Speed Seduction course, I wouldn’t have even been able to be in such a great relationship with such a hot woman.

My girlfriend is out of town until tomorrow…

When she gets back we are taking this adventure of love to a whole new level!

If I have time (wink. wink. nudge. nudge) in the next few weeks and months, I’ll share with you some of my notes from the seminar and my experiences in putting the new ideas and learnings into practice in ways that will be helpful for you in overcoming your shyness and mastering your relationships with women (as well as other social situations that may have caused you anxiety in the past).

The really important thing is just to be fully aware that you can realize the change you’re looking for…

And here’s how

Click the link below to:

Or just leave a comment below 🙂

How To Get Over Shyness In 5 Steps

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43775877_mShyness Sucks! Get over it now. Here’s how…

Have you ever:

  • Been tongue tied at the thought of approaching an attractive woman and introducing yourself?
  • Felt awkward and out of place at business or social gatherings?
  • Hesitated to raise your hand in class or pick up the phone to make a sales call?
  • Had an idea that you hesitated to share with your boss or colleagues.You might think you’re shy.

Before we go any farther. Stop!

Think for a moment about the cost of this shyness crap in your life. Seriously. What’s it costing you?

  • Imagine what it would be like to be able to approach any woman, any time and engage her in a relaxed funny, sexy, playful conversation that you both enjoy.
  • Imagine being able to speak up for your own needs and desires and getting them.
  • Imagine walking into a business networking meeting and people glowingly referring you to people who need and want your services.
  • Imagine people seeking you out for advice and guidance regarding the product or service you offer…
  • Imagine in a meeting or in a class raising your hand with a key question or comment that makes it easier for the trainer or teacher to teach and for the other students to understand…
  • Imagine offering an idea that ends up saving your company thousands of dollars…

All well and good but first… that…. thing that…. stops you from… taking the risk….

…Shyness. (It really does suck, doesn’t it?)

How To Stop Being Shy in Five Steps

1. Realize you created it. Since you created it. You can change it.

Shyness is not a thing. It is something you do. It’s a process. It’s a habit. It’s a learned behavior. It is not a lifetime sentence. It is not genetic. It is not a disease, even though the shrinks love to “diagnose” it and call it “Social Anxiety Disorder”. At some point in your childhood you decided to be shy. You created it because it solved some problems and seemed to keep you out of bad feelings.

Again, if you created it (and you really did, didn’t you?) you can change it.

2. Discover Your “Program.”

Uncover your Unconscious process of “doing” shyness.

How do you DO it? I get my clients to teach me how they DO their problem. They don’t realize there are a set pattern of steps they go through to get that certain feeling. What triggers it? What do you do first? What do you do next? What comes after that? We care less about “why” you do it and more about “how.”

Keep going through each step until you get to how you end the “program.” At some point you stop it don’t you?

Write it out as if you are leaving instructions for your temporary worker to come in and do it for you so you can forget about the problem.

  • What has to happen for you to start to not feel totally comfortable and confident?
  • What’s the first thing?
  • Do you see something or someone?
  • What?
  • Do you say something to yourself?
  • What?
  • Whose voice is it?
  • Do you get a feeling in your body?
  • Where?
  • Does the feeling move?
  • Does it have a shape?
  • Does it have a color, a texture?
  • Density?

Write all this down so you can see it in black and white.

3. Jam Your “Program.”

At any point if you change a significant element of how you do your “shyness program”, it will cause the program to jam.

For example let’s say in the past you’d see a hot babe and say to yourself. “oh my god she’s so hot… I’ll never be able to get a woman like that” in that sad hopeless wimpy little voice you hear in your head. Next you’d feel a sinking feeling in your stomach that was the size of a grapefruit with the density of a bowling ball.

To Jam it you could do this instead: “Oh my gawd she’s so HOT! “with An exaggerated lip licking smirk and then a playfully predatory “YUUUUUM!” And then shrink down the grapefruit sized feeling to a wiffle ball and push it out 3 feet in front of your body and smack that old crappy feeling with a baseball bat out of the park.

Again for the sake of this example, I don’t know what you do specifically. But YOU know don’t you? Walk yourself through it and write it down. Then mess with it. Play with it. Run it backwards. Scramble it. Do the picture first and then the voice. Try different voices. Mickey Mouse, the Jolly green giant. Some really sexy babe.

Repeat as needed.

4. Change your beliefs

You probably believe you’re shy. How do you know?

How do you know you’re not just pretending to be shy in order to get out of having to be successful in all areas of your life? I spend a lot more time on this in my Modern Jedi NLP Training but here’s the least you need to know.

Beliefs filter our reality…

What you believe becomes so. Change the belief. Change your reality. We represent our beliefs to ourselves internally through the pictures, self talk and feelings we run. For example, I hold my “true” beliefs directly in front of me on my mental screen. My old beliefs are down and to my left and slightly behind me. Beliefs I want to be true but don’t quite feel true yet are up and to my left.

Here’s how to change a belief.

When I first stopped being shy. I noticed that the belief that I was shy was right smack in front of me. The belief that I wanted to have, namely that I was the guy with charisma and confidence in any social situation, the guy who could strike up a conversation anywhere at anytime with the most powerful CEO or the most Babe-A-Licious hottie was up and to my left. When I took the shyness belief and slammed it down and left and a bit behind me (to my old beliefs) and powerfully pulled in the desired belief into the very center of my mental screen making it bigger and brighter, I suddenly felt different. Shyness gone. Poof! Holy crap!

Results you can notice immediately.

It totally changed my experience. Ten minutes later I found myself chatting with a gorgeous hottie as we both got our UPS delivery in the lobby of my apartment building. I did have to practice this occasionally. But so what? What was so cool about this was that I wasn’t “forcing” myself to talk with her. It was suddenly the most natural and comfortable thing to do. Want some?

When you think of a belief that’s true for you notice where on your internal screen it shows up. Typically your limiting belief “I’m shy” will show up in your “true” spot.

When you think of a belief about yourself that’s no longer true, (like you are no longer 12) notice where on your mental screen that shows up.

Think about a belief you would like to have. Notice where that one shows up.

Now move the  crappy belief about being shy to your old beliefs spot. Slam your desired belief about being charismatic and totally confident and comfortable in social situations into the place you hold your true beliefs.

How does that feel?

I just shared with you 4 ways to get over shyness. Now.

Want to get over it forever? Fast?

Here’s #5 – Clear the root cause or event

Clear the root cause event or limiting decision you made unconsciously to be shy in the first place and the entire history of “evidence procedure” that over the years has built up in your neurology like that gunk in the bristles of your toothbrush…In a couple of hours of one on one coaching you could be done with this for good.  I have a bunch of  powerful personal change tools to do this and we can do it in person or right over the phone.

This article was requested by an incredible NLP thought leader named AJ Kumar, who specializes in Communication and Persuasion skills.

The really important thing is just to be fully aware that you can realize the change you’re looking for…

And here’s how

Click the link below to:

Or just leave a comment below 🙂

Shy Guy Help

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forshyguy1Finally… help for shy guys!

This website is dedicated to, among other things, helping shy guys like you overcome the crap that has held you back all your life.

You know what I’m talking about:

  • You see a pretty woman and you freeze.
  • You get called on in class and you freeze.
  • Most likely if you’ve ever been out on a date the woman initiated it.
  • Many of you have never even been on a date much less lost your virginity.
  • Or if you’ve dated and met a woman who actually seemed to want you, you took what you could get and got stuck in a relationship that is less than you’d dreamed of…but you stay because you either can’t face being alone or you’re afraid of hurting her…

Been there. Done that. It sucked.

Out of desperation, I learned some extremely powerful tools of transformation that I’ve used to blast through the shyness.  Faster than I ever thought possible. Once I was able to clear the fear and manage my needy awkwardness around women, I needed to learn how to actually communicate with them the way women truly want to be connected with. Honestly. Always now with the confidence that with or without a particular woman in my life I’m fine.

What would it be like to be the chooser?

What would it be like to be the kind of guy that women pine for and fantasize about their whole lives?

First we work on the inner game. We clear the old programs, doubts, false beliefs and habits of thought that keep you miserable.

Then we build step by step a solid foundation of empowered confidence with which to move out into the worlds with superior tools to meet, and seduce the kinds of women you want. Then we fine tune it through the process of real relationship skills.

I’m excited to get started!

It’s something that nobody teaches us guys. We either see the pushy jerks who are always coming on to women and getting nothing but ridicule or scorn (don’t want to be like them). Or, we see the thoughtless bullies who treat women like objects and we don’t want to be like them either.

I can help you get through all the learning curves easily and rapidly so you will be exploring her curves in record time.

I’ve helped shy college guys and shy older guys. I’ve helped men and women of all ages in my NLP practice overcome anxiety, panic attacks, fear, phobias, self sabotage, low self esteem. Because I originally learned NLP, hypnosis and Time Line Therapy™ in order to overcome my own shyness and inability to meet and get to know the kinds of women I truly wanted, I “get” you more than most other coaches or therapists.

There’s lots of information out here on the web for how to date and seduce women. But none of it specifically addresses the shy man in such a way that you can overcome the terror that freezes you and causes you to shrink down and disappear. That’s what this blog is all about.

This is the very first post and a lot more is on the way and you will be too.

The really important thing is just to be fully aware that you can realize the change you’re looking for…

And here’s how

Click the link below to:

Or just leave a comment below 🙂