Honest Hypnosis

Master Your Mind... for a Change

Relationships

Shy Guy Help For Relationship Hell

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Sometimes by some miracle, a shy guy gets pursued by a woman and ends up in a relationship in spite of his lack of social skills.

As I pointed out in my previous article, many women dig “the shy guy.”

But what often happens is that this guy ends up settling for a woman who is not really what he would have gotten if he had been in the traditional male role of initiator and leader. Ultimately, a man who has stepped fully into his masculinity enjoys being able to choose the women he wants rather than sitting around waiting for some woman to choose him.

Settling into a relationship from hell

Anyway, here’s what typically happens…

He is delighted that he doesn’t have to go through the hell of rejection with this girl. She wants him! She wants sex! She initiates everything. How cool is that?

He doesn’t have to work through his approach anxiety. She’s done the approach for him. Wow!

How empowering and confidence building.

But wait…

Since she is the initiator and the leader, she has no problem telling him what to wear (and after all she probably does know better than the guy what looks good on him). Next she starts telling him what to do…. and when to do it.

In short she ends up running this guys life

He starts to feel stifled and suffocated.

He starts yearning for someone “better.” Someone…less bossy maybe (or less likely to beat him up emotionally or physically if he starts edging towards the door). BUT he can’t. He feels stuck. Trapped.

Having no social skills, the idea of breaking up is excruciatingly frightening because if he breaks up with her, she may be mean to him. He may not get sex for a really long time. He may be lonely again.

It’s nothing short of a living hell.

How do I know all this?…. hmmm let me think… cuz once upon a time I WAS that guy.

Now your circumstances may be different but here’s the deeply spiritual bottom line.

It’s perfect!

It’s perfect for whatever you need to learn.

You need to learn to speak up? Wow! you can do that right here can’t you? You need to learn that it’s perfectly okay for you to want what you want and go for what you want?

Wow! You can learn that here too.

You also might be surprised that your current girlfriend, underneath her “pushy”, “bossy” dominant self is LONGING for you to step up and take the lead every once in a while or maybe more than once in a while. Well? You can learn how to do that here can’t you?

The other little piece of wonderment in all this is that a guy in a relationship is strangely more attractive to women than the guy who isn’t…It’s this weird social proof thing.

So….while in this unsatisfying relationship (what Ross Jeffries calls a “Real-Hate-Shun-Ship”) it’s time to practice saying “hi” to other women.  It’s time to practice your conversation skills. It’s time to practice transforming your thinking.

And ultimately you might even be surprised to discover that the pushy, bossy, domineering, nagging bitch you are currently with is that way because she isn’t getting what she wants from you either. So maybe you talk about it and part friends and you move on with some relationship experience under your belt.

Or something else happens…

You discover that she is actually pretty awesome and the two of you can work on your stuff together…

Either way you win.

Till next time. Take a risk today! Say hello to a stranger. Experiment. LEARN something new about yourself or the world today!

If the main issue is anxiety then you might want to check out Crush anxiety Now.

How to stop being shy around beautiful women

And if you are painfully shy and need help to stop being shy or coaching to change the old patterns and habits of belief and behavior that are keeping you lonely, reach out!

Got questions? I have answers and I want you to have them, so…

Let’s talk

The Biggest Mistake Men Make With Women

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24123148_sIt’s got to be one of the biggest mistakes men make with women.

Particularly shy guys, we make this mistake so often we can’t even see we are making it.

This article was triggered a moment ago by a clip from one of Ross Jeffries workshops. I shamelessly plug Ross Jeffries on this site because after years of research with all the major dating gurus out there ONLY this guy is really and truly pulling aside the curtain of unconscious thinking that keeps us from our hearts desires.

Let me explain.

In the video clip, Ross is talking to a group of guys and he’s trying to get across the point that it’s not what we are that attracts women, it’s not what we have, it’s how we make her feel and what states we can lead her into that create the behaviors we want,  attraction, lust, desire, connection, etc.

He uses the analogy of a burger joint. He says to the group of guys there, “you and I open competing hamburger stands. I’ll give you any competitive advantage you want.”

What they would do to get an edge on their competition?

One guy says, “I’d sell a bigger burger” another guy says, “I’d have better quality beef, another one says “I’d have the most interesting menu of lemonade and sides and topping.”

This is how guys think. Right? I’ll get the shiniest car. I’ll wear the nicest Armani suit, I’ll work out like a fiend at the gym so I’ll have six pack abs, I’ll tell her about my high paying job. And THEN she’ll want to be with me, go to bed with me, etc.

Do you see the “stinkin’ thinkin'” there? Listen up. It’s not about that stuff.

Jeffries shakes it all out. He tells the group, “You can have all that competitive advantage, I’ll take the hungry crowd. When someone is hungry they are more naturally going to give you the behavior of buying your burger.”

Right!

Most guys spend all their time on these material things like cars and clothes and jobs, thinking that will bring in the babes. It’s like the burger stand owner focusing all his attention on creating a better burger. It’s not totally pointless but it doesn’t really bring the result he wants.

So let me unpack this for you painfully shy guys. You spend so much energy worrying about being rejected. You spend so much energy talking yourself out of saying hello. You make a list in your mind of why she won’t want you. Am I right?

That’s like the guy in the burger stand focused on what a crappy joint he has. It’s like the burger stand owner feeling sorry for himself because the guy across the street has better parking.

But it’s not about the parking.

You have to stop all that! The focus has to change from your negative self absorbed hallucinating to her. But in a different way than just gazing at her longingly.

You have to create emotional states in her that are conducive to her feeling attraction and desire for you.

How do you do that?

For the extremely shy guy like you?

You have to first learn to manage your emotional states.

The fear, anxiety and panic that cause you to lose it around pretty girls and women is stopping you from being able to create desirable emotional states in her that lead to attraction and romance. Your first step is to stop that runaway fear train inside you. When I first used NLP on myself to stop being shy, it took me literally less than 10 minutes. It might take you more or less time but that’s not the point. The point is you can change this. You don’t have to suffer alone with this any longer.

So. What are you waiting for?

I hope you take some decisive action today. None of us are getting any younger. Don’t let your life slip by because of your fear. Do SOMETHING now!

How to stop being shy around beautiful women

Remember as a shy guy you have all the basic tools to create spectacular success with women.

  • You have sensitivity.
  • You have a vivid and creative imagination.
  • You are intelligent.
  • You are caring and trustworthy
  • You are so much more than just a “shy guy”

Start using those resources to get what you want instead of using them to keep yourself miserable.

On a more serious note, If you are painfully shy and need help to stop being shy or coaching to change the old patterns and habits of belief and behavior that are keeping you lonely, reach out!

Interested in other hypnosis videos and self help programs? Got questions? I’m a real guy and I’m here for you with some honest answers so if you’d like to reach out and contact me that’s cool, let’s talk.

How to Stop Being Stuck in the Friend Zone

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Beautiful young womanIt happened again, didn’t it?

You feel so attracted and head over heels in love with this gorgeous woman. She even seems to like you…but only as a friend.

What to do?

This is one of the biggest areas of pain and frustration for shy guys. Here’s what we do to shoot ourselves in the foot.

Three things to avoid at all costs!

1. When we’re attracted to a woman we become helpful.

The moment a guy starts helping a woman out, with those wonderful nerdy skills with computers or fixing things or whatever, it causes her to put you in the FRIEND ZONE. If you make yourself valuable to a woman it does not cause her to think romantic thoughts about you, because then if it ends “who will fix my computer?”

2. When we’re attracted to a woman we want to listen and be supportive.

WRONG! Do not become a woman’s therapist. let them pay someone to bitch and moan about all their jerky boyfriends. The moment a woman starts to ask you for advice you must learn how to shut it down and turn the conversation towards the feelings and experiences she wants to have romantically.

Ross Jeffries basically says, “I tell a woman point blank when she asks me for advice, ‘Women don’t f#$k guys who give them advice.’ then I change the subject.”

3. When we’re attracted to a woman we shut down our masculine sexuality or hide our real intentions

We’re afraid of scaring her away or we’re afraid of being too forward, or we’ve bought in to some old cultural programming about what women want or what we think women don’t want.

Face it. Be honest.

YOU WANT MORE THAN JUST TO BE “FRIENDS” don’t you? What would happen if you were just honest?

Here’s a personal story. God this is embarrassing…

I was raised by a feminist mother… All I heard about growing up was how bad it was that men saw women as “pieces of meat”.  Strong alpha male types were basically identified as the cause of every problem for the last 100,000 years. So I shut that part of me down. I didn’t want to be a bad man.I wanted to one of the good guys…

At one point I ended up in a sexless marriage (she had originally picked me up at the college library) and I went to this new age healing class as part of my desperate attempts to figure stuff out. At one point the teacher made me go around the room and admit to every woman in the class (of course i was the only guy) that I found each one of them attractive and wanted to have sex with her. It was hugely freeing. And interestingly none of them tried to claw my eyes out.

The lesson (aside from the fact that New Age healing retreats are great places to meet women) is that

  1. Women like sex.
  2. Women want to be desired by men.
  3. Women are attracted to strong men who will… you get the idea

The other thing is that even if a woman says she doesn’t want anything more than friendship, women change their minds all the time. But you are not going to change her mind by telling her what you think she wants to hear or by being extra nice and patient with her.

You might change her mind by honestly telling her what you want and being okay with her not wanting it and walking away.

Another shy guy/nice guy thing we do is take a woman’s first statement as unalterable fact.

How to stop being shy around beautiful women

Transforming ourselves from the classic nerds into the kinds of men who the women we want desire, doesn’t mean we ever have to become remotely like the jerks who seem to get all the women. There is another kind of man who we can become. The kind of man who women fantasize about…

The kind of guy who honestly tells her what he wants (without bullying, begging or buying) and who is willing to walk away if she’s not into him…because he has unlimited options.

Becoming that guy is not an instant fix. But it can happen a lot faster if you actually get some help along the way.

I have years of experience helping people overcome fears, phobias and anxiety. If you can’t even get yourself to talk to a woman, I can help you stop stopping yourself.

The really important thing is just to be fully aware that you can realize the change you’re looking for…

And here’s how

Click the link below to:

Or just leave a comment below 🙂

Dating & Relationships Are About Learning

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38975230_mI had a conversation with one of my NLP students today.

Sandy is a wonderful gay woman who I’ve enjoyed watching grow over the years. She mentioned that she had recently ended a relationship and while she was sad, she wasn’t devastated and she felt like she had learned a lot. I think she said something to the effect of things were definitely getting better.

I immediately felt one of those inspirations strike. This applies to any one of any sex or orientation but especially to those of us who love and are attracted to women….ready?

Here it is:

When love ends: “Better & better is better than bitter! Now go out & find some one better & bed her!”

That’s all I’m going to say today.

The really important thing is just to be fully aware that you can realize the change you’re looking for…

And here’s how

Click the link below to:

Or just leave a comment below 🙂

Shy Guy Help From Ross Jeffries Speed Seduction Seminar

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6378297_mRoss Jeffries Speed Seduction Seminar Review Part 2

As I mentioned in my last article, I had the chance to attend Ross Jeffries Speed Seduction Seminar in New York City recently. I wanted to quickly share a few of the mind opening discoveries that as Ross would say himself, “set him head and shoulders above any other dating coach,” dating guru, self help teacher, dating adviser, pick up artist teacher.

Are you ready?

Here is one of the most powerful concepts Ross Shared:

“Teaching is about transforming consciousness” – Ross Jeffries

He went on to demonstrate a classic hypnosis technique called “pacing current experience” that he would be weaving in to his program throughout the weekend.

He said:

“Some of what I teach will be familiar, some of what I teach will be somewhat new. some of what I teach my seem strange…” – Ross Jeffries

Later on he would teach us how to use the same method when leaving voice mail message with women…

One of the next key pieces he laid out for us was essentially why we were all there. The majority of the audience consisted of men who were shy as well as men who fell into the classic “nice guy” syndrome. Ross was clear on what it was they all wanted:

“to have choice, predictability, control, power and select-ability with women without being a Jerk or a Begger,  a Buyer or a Bully in order to get our desires fulfilled.

The “nice guy” finishes last. The Pleasant Guy finishes first and sets the rules of the race.”

Ross then pointed out the difference between a “Nice Guy” and  “Pleasant Guy”

The nice guy gets sucked in to a woman’s emotional storms making her emotions his reality. He confuses enmeshment with compassion. The pleasant guy can see where a woman is at, what’s going on with her, but stays in his own power, grounded in his own energy and intent.

This to me felt like Ross Jeffries was ripping the filters off “reality”. If only I had known this one piece of wisdom back in my 20’s! What misery I could have avoided! Oh well.

Ross then went on to define pleasant:

“Pleasant is Power, held in restraint and exercised with precision, surrounded by a man’s own rules and standards.”

That’s all I have time for today. I’m on my way to pick up my gorgeous, goddess of a girlfriend at the airport.

The really important thing is just to be fully aware that you can realize the change you’re looking for…

And here’s how

Click the link below to:

Or just leave a comment below 🙂

Ross Jeffries Speed Seduction Seminar Review

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6378297_mRoss Jeffries is the original alpha male of the men’s dating advice crowd.

  • David D’angelo of “Double Your Dating”
  • Mystery of the “Mystery Method”
  • Neil Strauss author of the bestselling book “The Game”
  • and countless others

Are all former students of Ross Jeffries, creator of Speed Seduction™.

Since I divorced in 1998, I set out on a journey to learn:

  • How to Overcome shyness and my fear of approaching women (left over from high school)
  • How to artfully seduce a woman in the highest and most mutually satisfying way
  • How to stay in my power as a man instead of always being the “nice guy” that ends up in the “friends only” zone
  • How to create the deep powerful positive emotions women want in relationships while staying true to my self
  • How to manage my states and emotions through the inevitable rollercoaster of initiating, maintaing and ending relationships with women

Learning NLP enabled me to destroy my shyness in moments. Then, I needed to develop and practice new beliefs and skill sets… practice does take time. Every year I’ve studied and taken my knowledge to new levels.

This past weekend, I had the privilege of attending Ross Jeffries’ Speed Seduction Seminar in New York City.

It was immediately apparent that Ross is absolutely one of the best teachers I’ve ever encountered. Concepts that just seemed beyond me were powerfully installed by the end of the weekend so that I felt for the first time that I had the tools to introduce myself to any woman, anywhere and be in charge of not only my own states and emotions but of where I wanted to lead a woman.

My initial reaction to Ross when I first heard about him, a couple of years ago, was not positive.

He seemed arrogant and full of himself. What is so cool about him is that he freely admits he’s arrogant. What he is modeling to his students is the ability to delight in your own mastery. False humility is not sexy. Cockiness backed up with real, tangible ability, knowledge, insight, etc is.

The other first impression I had was that he was crude. He is crude. He freely admits to being crude. He is totally and authentically himself. Crude is fun. Ross is all about fun.

How to stop being shy around beautiful women

Crude is fucking awesome!

The next level of my discovery was that Ross may be arrogant and crude but his methods work. His speed seduction techniques are thoroughly grounded in NLP and Ericksonian conversational hypnosis.  In other words they work with the mind, and with how the the mind is wired.  More precisely, Ross teaches material that unlocks the keys to how women perceive and process their emotional states.

Previous to this seminar I had purchased Ross Jeffries Speed Seduction Home Study Course which helped a lot in the past year to create my current incredible relationship. In fact I would be willing to venture that without having studied Ross Jeffries Speed Seduction course, I wouldn’t have even been able to be in such a great relationship with such a hot woman.

My girlfriend is out of town until tomorrow…

When she gets back we are taking this adventure of love to a whole new level!

If I have time (wink. wink. nudge. nudge) in the next few weeks and months, I’ll share with you some of my notes from the seminar and my experiences in putting the new ideas and learnings into practice in ways that will be helpful for you in overcoming your shyness and mastering your relationships with women (as well as other social situations that may have caused you anxiety in the past).

The really important thing is just to be fully aware that you can realize the change you’re looking for…

And here’s how

Click the link below to:

Or just leave a comment below 🙂