I often get asked by my shy guy help readers, where they can meet women in a more comfortable, relaxed atmosphere that isn’t a “bar.”
Here are some ideas…
Got questions? I have answers and I want you to have them, so…
Approach Anxiety
Correct Way To Approach A Female
This is for real.
I got a question the other day from one of you wonderful shy guys out there. It was really short and to the point.. this reader asked me: “What is the correct way to approach a female?”
My first reaction was…well… my first reaction.
I wanted to rant a bit on this but I think I managed to respond somewhat appropriately. The short answer is of course, there is no one “correct” way to approach a woman. Every woman is different and I can’t blame women for being sick and tired of guys trying to use cheesy pickup lines that supposedly worked at one time for some other woman…
Anyway, watch the video and leave comments or questions below.
If the main issue is anxiety then you might want to check out Crush anxiety Now.
How to stop being shy around beautiful women
And if you are painfully shy and need help to stop being shy or coaching to change the old patterns and habits of belief and behavior that are keeping you lonely, reach out!
Got questions? I have answers and I want you to have them, so…
Shy Guy Help For Relationship Hell
Sometimes by some miracle, a shy guy gets pursued by a woman and ends up in a relationship in spite of his lack of social skills.
As I pointed out in my previous article, many women dig “the shy guy.”
But what often happens is that this guy ends up settling for a woman who is not really what he would have gotten if he had been in the traditional male role of initiator and leader. Ultimately, a man who has stepped fully into his masculinity enjoys being able to choose the women he wants rather than sitting around waiting for some woman to choose him.
Settling into a relationship from hell
Anyway, here’s what typically happens…
He is delighted that he doesn’t have to go through the hell of rejection with this girl. She wants him! She wants sex! She initiates everything. How cool is that?
He doesn’t have to work through his approach anxiety. She’s done the approach for him. Wow!
How empowering and confidence building.
But wait…
Since she is the initiator and the leader, she has no problem telling him what to wear (and after all she probably does know better than the guy what looks good on him). Next she starts telling him what to do…. and when to do it.
In short she ends up running this guys life
He starts to feel stifled and suffocated.
He starts yearning for someone “better.” Someone…less bossy maybe (or less likely to beat him up emotionally or physically if he starts edging towards the door). BUT he can’t. He feels stuck. Trapped.
Having no social skills, the idea of breaking up is excruciatingly frightening because if he breaks up with her, she may be mean to him. He may not get sex for a really long time. He may be lonely again.
It’s nothing short of a living hell.
How do I know all this?…. hmmm let me think… cuz once upon a time I WAS that guy.
Now your circumstances may be different but here’s the deeply spiritual bottom line.
It’s perfect!
It’s perfect for whatever you need to learn.
You need to learn to speak up? Wow! you can do that right here can’t you? You need to learn that it’s perfectly okay for you to want what you want and go for what you want?
Wow! You can learn that here too.
You also might be surprised that your current girlfriend, underneath her “pushy”, “bossy” dominant self is LONGING for you to step up and take the lead every once in a while or maybe more than once in a while. Well? You can learn how to do that here can’t you?
The other little piece of wonderment in all this is that a guy in a relationship is strangely more attractive to women than the guy who isn’t…It’s this weird social proof thing.
So….while in this unsatisfying relationship (what Ross Jeffries calls a “Real-Hate-Shun-Ship”) it’s time to practice saying “hi” to other women. It’s time to practice your conversation skills. It’s time to practice transforming your thinking.
And ultimately you might even be surprised to discover that the pushy, bossy, domineering, nagging bitch you are currently with is that way because she isn’t getting what she wants from you either. So maybe you talk about it and part friends and you move on with some relationship experience under your belt.
Or something else happens…
You discover that she is actually pretty awesome and the two of you can work on your stuff together…
Either way you win.
Till next time. Take a risk today! Say hello to a stranger. Experiment. LEARN something new about yourself or the world today!
If the main issue is anxiety then you might want to check out Crush anxiety Now.
How to stop being shy around beautiful women
And if you are painfully shy and need help to stop being shy or coaching to change the old patterns and habits of belief and behavior that are keeping you lonely, reach out!
Got questions? I have answers and I want you to have them, so…
For Women: How To Decipher The Shy Guy
Got a great email this morning from Oslo, Norway!
For my shy guy readers: You definitely need to read this whole article so you can get it through your thick heads that a lot of chicks DIG you!
For the ladies: check out some thoughts and tips and resources for actually landing one of us (cuz we’re pretty amazing even if we don’t have all that “pick up” stuff down that those “bad boys” have)
Here’s the email:
I understand this is a site for shy guys, but do you have any advice, or can you point me to some helpful internet sites, for women who are trying to “decipher” the shy man?
Because I am really confused. I started to get to know this wonderful but very shy guy at work. We were slowly going forward, he was making more eye contact, waiting for me to approach him on the subway, walking together and small talking on our way to work. Then suddenly, after nearly 4 weeks of vacation (his), it’s back to awkward.
Stupid thing is, it’s contagious, so now I’ve lost my guts to keep coming by his office and doing the regular small talk. A couple of mornings, he’s actually run ahead of me right before I got to say hello.
I feel stupid but sad too, afraid that I’ve insulted or hurt him. I’ve only been nice, sweet and social towards him and have tried to get to know him better because I like him and find him interesting and attractive.
I understand that he is very shy, so I have been quiet about this around our colleagues, not making any scenes.
Now what do I do?
Sincerely,
Frustrated in Oslo
Here is my response…
Dear Frustrated in Oslo,
Here are a few of my immediate thoughts:
- Definitely good to not talk about this to colleagues. Definitely keep that up.
- Secondly, think about approaching your shy guy a bit like you would a wild animal. You have to be patient. Give him some space and then begin again from where you first started. Chances are he thinks HE said or did something stupid and freaked himself out.
- What is he good at? Can you ask him for help with something? I know it’s a classic. But a lot of shy guys are blisteringly smart and good at stuff women aren’t good at. Like fixing things. Unfortunately a lot of women just use them for this and I know as a shy guy I got put in the “Let’s just be friends” zone a lot when I wanted to be more than just a handy man. In the guy’s mind helping a woman can get attraction going and give him something to say because he goes “blank” a lot around women. So be subtle but give that a shot.
- The other suggestion is one I give to shy guys all the time regarding women. I think it works both ways. Make sure he is not the only prospect you have for potential romance. That takes pressure off of both of you. When you realize you have other options, you will be more relaxed which will enable you to not have so much attachment to whether or not you are doing the right thing around him.
- Another thought I have is one I often share with my shy guy clients and is one of Seduction Guru Ross Jeffries key concepts. Approach with the idea that you are there to learn something. Whatever happens you get to learn and grow. If something doesn’t work, just try something else. If this guy was a wild horse who had been badly spooked or hurt in the past, you wouldn’t take it personally if it didn’t trot right up to you after your first attempt to approach. Keep that mind set here.
- If he doesn’t wake up or open up, let go and move on. It’s not about you. A lot of us shy guys have our heads so far up our butts that we can’t even see you out there looking all pretty and seductive for us…
That’s all I’ve got for right now. I may revisit this topic as more thoughts come to me. But hopefully that’s a start.
For you Ladies (aka “Shy Guy Whisperers”), here are a few links that might help you a bit with the shy guy. You shy guys should read them too. I’ll explain why below…
Okay, why is this important for you shy guys to read up on?
- EXPLOSIVE REVELATION: Women DIG shy guys! (duh!)
- You don’t have to become that swaggering, misogynistic asshole who you think you have to be to get all the hotties.
- If you could get your heads out of your butts long enough to notice, you’d actually notice that there are some amazing women NOTICING…. YOU!
I hope you are not offended by my describing you shy guys as having your heads up your butts. But I WAS you. I know this is true.
I’ve said it on many other occasions:
Shyness is being overly concerned with what other people think about you.
Most of the time those other people haven’t even noticed you exist!
Bulletin: You have a lot of amazing qualities that women value. Here’s proof from one of those articles above that you probably didn’t go and read like I told you to:
Ah, the Shy Guy: that rare specimen of man who you’ll never overhear talking bragging about some meaningless hook-up. You won’t find him at parties or see him hamming it up for the ladies. He’s sweet, modest and avoids being the center of attention at ALL costs. Odds are, he’ll be the one sitting in the back of class, avoiding eye contact with the professor when he or she scans the room for a volunteer.
He’s pretty much adorable, really. Mysterious, intriguing, sensitive, endearing … a diamond in the rough (“the rough” being the obnoxious, macho guys that are just way too common in college). Shy guys are hot. Think Michael Cera. Mmmm.
Read the whole article here: How To Crack The Shy Guy
Is this thing on?
Anyway now that I’m done ranting… I’d like to humbly ask you guys for some advice for the young lady in Oslo Norway who so kindly gave me permission to share her email.
What do YOU think she should do to get this shy guy she is sweet on to respond to her?
Please leave a comment below and I’ll make sure she gets it!
If the main issue is anxiety then you might want to check out Crush anxiety Now.
How to stop being shy around beautiful women
And if you are painfully shy and need help to stop being shy or coaching to change the old patterns and habits of belief and behavior that are keeping you lonely, reach out!
Interested in other hypnosis videos and self help programs? Got questions? I’m a real guy and I’m here for you with some honest answers so if you’d like to reach out and contact me that’s cool, let’s talk.
Think You Have Girl Attraction Problems?
I got an email from one of my readers recently who revealed that he had some physical challenges when it comes to being attractive to women.
A few minutes later when I was checking the views on Youtube on my song, “Together We Can Change The World” I noticed a video by this guy Nick Vujicic. If this guy can get out there and be a force for positive love in the world you can too.
I mean that with deep love and respect for you and the struggle you’ve been going through trying to overcome shyness and approach anxiety in order to meet women.
Let me know what you think below the video….
How to stop being shy around beautiful women
If you are painfully shy and need help to stop being shy or coaching to change the old patterns and habits of belief and behavior that are keeping you lonely, reach out!
Interested in other hypnosis videos and self help programs? Got questions? I’m a real guy and I’m here for you with some honest answers so if you’d like to reach out and contact me that’s cool, let’s talk.
The Biggest Mistake Men Make With Women
It’s got to be one of the biggest mistakes men make with women.
Particularly shy guys, we make this mistake so often we can’t even see we are making it.
This article was triggered a moment ago by a clip from one of Ross Jeffries workshops. I shamelessly plug Ross Jeffries on this site because after years of research with all the major dating gurus out there ONLY this guy is really and truly pulling aside the curtain of unconscious thinking that keeps us from our hearts desires.
Let me explain.
In the video clip, Ross is talking to a group of guys and he’s trying to get across the point that it’s not what we are that attracts women, it’s not what we have, it’s how we make her feel and what states we can lead her into that create the behaviors we want, attraction, lust, desire, connection, etc.
He uses the analogy of a burger joint. He says to the group of guys there, “you and I open competing hamburger stands. I’ll give you any competitive advantage you want.”
What they would do to get an edge on their competition?
One guy says, “I’d sell a bigger burger” another guy says, “I’d have better quality beef, another one says “I’d have the most interesting menu of lemonade and sides and topping.”
This is how guys think. Right? I’ll get the shiniest car. I’ll wear the nicest Armani suit, I’ll work out like a fiend at the gym so I’ll have six pack abs, I’ll tell her about my high paying job. And THEN she’ll want to be with me, go to bed with me, etc.
Do you see the “stinkin’ thinkin'” there? Listen up. It’s not about that stuff.
Jeffries shakes it all out. He tells the group, “You can have all that competitive advantage, I’ll take the hungry crowd. When someone is hungry they are more naturally going to give you the behavior of buying your burger.”
Right!
Most guys spend all their time on these material things like cars and clothes and jobs, thinking that will bring in the babes. It’s like the burger stand owner focusing all his attention on creating a better burger. It’s not totally pointless but it doesn’t really bring the result he wants.
So let me unpack this for you painfully shy guys. You spend so much energy worrying about being rejected. You spend so much energy talking yourself out of saying hello. You make a list in your mind of why she won’t want you. Am I right?
That’s like the guy in the burger stand focused on what a crappy joint he has. It’s like the burger stand owner feeling sorry for himself because the guy across the street has better parking.
But it’s not about the parking.
You have to stop all that! The focus has to change from your negative self absorbed hallucinating to her. But in a different way than just gazing at her longingly.
You have to create emotional states in her that are conducive to her feeling attraction and desire for you.
How do you do that?
For the extremely shy guy like you?
You have to first learn to manage your emotional states.
The fear, anxiety and panic that cause you to lose it around pretty girls and women is stopping you from being able to create desirable emotional states in her that lead to attraction and romance. Your first step is to stop that runaway fear train inside you. When I first used NLP on myself to stop being shy, it took me literally less than 10 minutes. It might take you more or less time but that’s not the point. The point is you can change this. You don’t have to suffer alone with this any longer.
So. What are you waiting for?
I hope you take some decisive action today. None of us are getting any younger. Don’t let your life slip by because of your fear. Do SOMETHING now!
How to stop being shy around beautiful women
Remember as a shy guy you have all the basic tools to create spectacular success with women.
- You have sensitivity.
- You have a vivid and creative imagination.
- You are intelligent.
- You are caring and trustworthy
- You are so much more than just a “shy guy”
Start using those resources to get what you want instead of using them to keep yourself miserable.
On a more serious note, If you are painfully shy and need help to stop being shy or coaching to change the old patterns and habits of belief and behavior that are keeping you lonely, reach out!
Interested in other hypnosis videos and self help programs? Got questions? I’m a real guy and I’m here for you with some honest answers so if you’d like to reach out and contact me that’s cool, let’s talk.