Got a great email this morning from Oslo, Norway!
For my shy guy readers: You definitely need to read this whole article so you can get it through your thick heads that a lot of chicks DIG you!
For the ladies: check out some thoughts and tips and resources for actually landing one of us (cuz we’re pretty amazing even if we don’t have all that “pick up” stuff down that those “bad boys” have)
Here’s the email:
I understand this is a site for shy guys, but do you have any advice, or can you point me to some helpful internet sites, for women who are trying to “decipher” the shy man?
Because I am really confused. I started to get to know this wonderful but very shy guy at work. We were slowly going forward, he was making more eye contact, waiting for me to approach him on the subway, walking together and small talking on our way to work. Then suddenly, after nearly 4 weeks of vacation (his), it’s back to awkward.
Stupid thing is, it’s contagious, so now I’ve lost my guts to keep coming by his office and doing the regular small talk. A couple of mornings, he’s actually run ahead of me right before I got to say hello.
I feel stupid but sad too, afraid that I’ve insulted or hurt him. I’ve only been nice, sweet and social towards him and have tried to get to know him better because I like him and find him interesting and attractive.
I understand that he is very shy, so I have been quiet about this around our colleagues, not making any scenes.
Now what do I do?
Frustrated in Oslo
Here is my response…
Dear Frustrated in Oslo,
Here are a few of my immediate thoughts:
- Definitely good to not talk about this to colleagues. Definitely keep that up.
- Secondly, think about approaching your shy guy a bit like you would a wild animal. You have to be patient. Give him some space and then begin again from where you first started. Chances are he thinks HE said or did something stupid and freaked himself out.
- What is he good at? Can you ask him for help with something? I know it’s a classic. But a lot of shy guys are blisteringly smart and good at stuff women aren’t good at. Like fixing things. Unfortunately a lot of women just use them for this and I know as a shy guy I got put in the “Let’s just be friends” zone a lot when I wanted to be more than just a handy man. In the guy’s mind helping a woman can get attraction going and give him something to say because he goes “blank” a lot around women. So be subtle but give that a shot.
- The other suggestion is one I give to shy guys all the time regarding women. I think it works both ways. Make sure he is not the only prospect you have for potential romance. That takes pressure off of both of you. When you realize you have other options, you will be more relaxed which will enable you to not have so much attachment to whether or not you are doing the right thing around him.
- Another thought I have is one I often share with my shy guy clients and is one of Seduction Guru Ross Jeffries key concepts. Approach with the idea that you are there to learn something. Whatever happens you get to learn and grow. If something doesn’t work, just try something else. If this guy was a wild horse who had been badly spooked or hurt in the past, you wouldn’t take it personally if it didn’t trot right up to you after your first attempt to approach. Keep that mind set here.
- If he doesn’t wake up or open up, let go and move on. It’s not about you. A lot of us shy guys have our heads so far up our butts that we can’t even see you out there looking all pretty and seductive for us…
That’s all I’ve got for right now. I may revisit this topic as more thoughts come to me. But hopefully that’s a start.
For you Ladies (aka “Shy Guy Whisperers”), here are a few links that might help you a bit with the shy guy. You shy guys should read them too. I’ll explain why below…
Okay, why is this important for you shy guys to read up on?
- EXPLOSIVE REVELATION: Women DIG shy guys! (duh!)
- You don’t have to become that swaggering, misogynistic asshole who you think you have to be to get all the hotties.
- If you could get your heads out of your butts long enough to notice, you’d actually notice that there are some amazing women NOTICING…. YOU!
I hope you are not offended by my describing you shy guys as having your heads up your butts. But I WAS you. I know this is true.
I’ve said it on many other occasions:
Shyness is being overly concerned with what other people think about you.
Most of the time those other people haven’t even noticed you exist!
Bulletin: You have a lot of amazing qualities that women value. Here’s proof from one of those articles above that you probably didn’t go and read like I told you to:
Ah, the Shy Guy: that rare specimen of man who you’ll never overhear talking bragging about some meaningless hook-up. You won’t find him at parties or see him hamming it up for the ladies. He’s sweet, modest and avoids being the center of attention at ALL costs. Odds are, he’ll be the one sitting in the back of class, avoiding eye contact with the professor when he or she scans the room for a volunteer.
He’s pretty much adorable, really. Mysterious, intriguing, sensitive, endearing … a diamond in the rough (“the rough” being the obnoxious, macho guys that are just way too common in college). Shy guys are hot. Think Michael Cera. Mmmm.
Read the whole article here: How To Crack The Shy Guy
Is this thing on?
Anyway now that I’m done ranting… I’d like to humbly ask you guys for some advice for the young lady in Oslo Norway who so kindly gave me permission to share her email.
What do YOU think she should do to get this shy guy she is sweet on to respond to her?
Please leave a comment below and I’ll make sure she gets it!
If the main issue is anxiety then you might want to check out Crush anxiety Now.
And if you are painfully shy and need help to stop being shy or coaching to change the old patterns and habits of belief and behavior that are keeping you lonely, reach out!
Interested in other hypnosis videos and self help programs? Got questions? I’m a real guy and I’m here for you with some honest answers so if you’d like to reach out and contact me that’s cool, let’s talk.