2 Key techniques for managing social anxiety or shyness…
when you first meet a new acquaintance that not only put you at ease, they also put your new friend at ease and make both of you so comfortable that you can easily make friends and feel great in any social setting!
One of my “Transformation Nation” members from Greece asked a really good question this morning about overcoming shyness and social anxiety when meeting new people. I thought I’d share my answer not just with him but with all of you.
I used the technique of the time-line with the fifteen minutes and it helped me a lot before going out with people who I am not very close. But when I talk with these people, at first I still feel anxious. I would like to ask for your opinion. What do you think that I should do at the very same time that I talk with these people? Thank you very much for your time.
Here’s my answer
Here’s a tip from one of my other programs that might help you to feel comfortable around other people. It involves matching and mirroring the other person’s blinking and breathing to create rapport. Rapport works for you as well as for the other person.
It’s about putting both of you at ease.
- Blink. Pay attention to when they blink. When they blink. Match it. You blink. You don’t have to do it every time. But definitely use it a few times.
- Breathe. When someone else is talking, they are breathing out (they have to be breathing out because that’s how we make the sounds right?) So when they are talking just breathe out. You can time the circular breathing to it or just simply breathe out.
By the way, I have a program for guys called “Shy Guy Help” that you might want to check out if his story or situation is something you can relate to….
These two things can be used separately or together. You don’t have to do them every moment, just from time to time.
- You can even do them from across the room.
- They connect you unconsciously to the person you are talking to.
- They focus you away from yourself and your fears and onto the person you are with.
- This feels really good. both for you and for the person you are talking to.
Another part of this is a big piece of the shyness/ social anxiety issue. When we are shy we are basically being self focused. In order to change our focus, looking outward and focusing on making another person feel comfortable can itself be healing and therapeutic. It can even act like a “pattern interrupt” stopping the old, habitual shyness / social anxiety program from running.
You can also imagine going out 15 minutes past this event and looking back seeing yourself actually having a good time and meeting some great new friends.
When I started doing this I was amazed at the deep friendships I made easily.
Thank you so much for your question and for actually using the tools! So many people say they want change but they seem to not actually want to have to do anything!
Bravo for you! Your question helps me to help more people.
Please imagine, My thoughts and support surrounding you and helping you to feel comfortable and confident no matter where you go.
The really important thing is just to be fully aware that you can realize the change you’re looking for…
And here’s how
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Or just leave a comment below 🙂