Anger Management

OK. This is what showed up on my thought “cloud” today.

First, a little back story…

I flew to California yesterday. I could have worked on the plane and posted there, but I didn’t fvcking feel like it! LOL.

I’d worked my ass off for several days before hand so I could even go. Had to wake up at 3:30 in the morning to get to the airport etc. It could have been stressful. But I was all chill.  I enjoyed my rest time on the plane. Gave myself permission to just do nothing and enjoy it.

Arrived after a 10 hour flight “process” of a plane change and a few other cities before I got to Orange County.

Unfortunately, my suitcase never showed up at baggage claim. It just hadn’t arrived with me.

In the past that would have triggered anger, anxiety, frustration, the works.

But I stayed cool. I used my “tools”

Not a big deal. I reminded myself “Why does this work out better than I can possibly imagine?”

Had a great conversation with the driver of the hotel shuttle bus, a guy from Kenya who told me HIS luggage was lost for over two weeks when he went back home to visit. His stay was only for 3 weeks. Crazy! Great stories flow from great adversity.

Eventually got my luggage delivered by the airline 5 hours after I arrived.

• It’s all good.
• Still on NY time.
• Went to bed early by CA time.
• Woke up early.
• Ready for a day at the beach.
• But first.
• You.
• Yeah. YOU.
• My Cowabungah guys.
• Woke up to an intense dream.

A guy I don’t know very well socially (but who I have heard was really having a tough time after a brutal divorce) was attempting to park a decent sized trailer.

But he was either drunk or just fucking upset and raging with anger and he jack-knifed the damn thing.

All over the front yard.

You could literally see this guys anger and frustration boiling off him.

His life was broken and he wanted to break shit back.

His ex wife took him to the cleaners. Turned his kids against him. Did her best to destroy him.

• His reaction to the pain was to drink.
• Self medication.
• I see it all the time.
• Hell. I’ve been there and done that myself.

We guys are supposed to be tough. But what that really boils down to is we have been socially conditioned to be unable to access our emotional resourcefulness.

We get emotionally high jacked. And in our culture we guys are not taught how to handle emotions. We’re taught how to repress them.

We just grit our teeth and tough it out.

In my dream I took him by the arm and led him away from the mess.

“Let’s take a walk” I said.

He wanted to fight.

“Stop” I said. “Let’s just take a walk.”

He surrendered. Exhausted by the fight.

“Are you open to a different way?” I asked.

Coming to his senses, he replied, “Do I have a choice?”

“Of course you do. You can keep doing what you’ve been doing hoping that somehow, some way, you’ll wake up one day and it will all be different. Better. But until you actually change the pattern that is causing you misery, you can just expect more of what you’ve been getting.”

He was quiet for a while and we walked down the neatly manicured suburban street, where everybody looked so happy. So successful. So “normal”.

“Look around”, I said.

“Do you see how full of shit we all are as a culture? Everybody pretending everything is all nicey nicey? Underneath the surface there is massive pain and suffering. What’s different about you is that it is up and in your face. And unlike these poor fuckers, YOU at least know you are miserable and that might just be what saves your ass.”

“Huh?”

“That’s right,” I continued. “BECAUSE you are in so much pain right now. You are open to a better way. I know it sounds weird but right now the massive pain you are in is actually your wake up call.

You ever read the book Johnathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach?

In that book there is this crazy seagull who doesn’t fit in. He doesn’t play by the rules. And eventually he is kicked out of the flock.

He goes and lives by himself and discovers amazing things. He attempts to go back and share his wisdom but the flock refuses to listen.

Eventually though a few other outcast seagulls straggle in.

• He begins to teach.
• They begin to learn.
• All of them are transformed.
• Life becomes magical for them. Joyful. Graceful even.

That’s where we are right now.

You’ve been kicked out of your own flock. Your life. Your pattern is about to be MASSIVELY interrupted. You can fight it. Or You can flow with it. Like the martial artist, you can either attempt to block the force coming at you or you can USE the force for your own advantage.

I can’t promise you that it will always be easy. But I can promise you that in the near future you will look back with deep gratitude for all that is so fucking shitty in your life right now.

Because that shit is what is pushing you to climb up out of the traps you’ve been tangled in.

Without that intense motivation you would just be OK with life as usual. But because you are hurting, you want to find a solution to make it stop. Am I right?”

I looked at him.  He was thinking. Hard. I gave him space to consider…

“Yeah I guess so…”

“Cool. So you’ve tried drinking. How’s that been working?”

“Not so good”

“Right. You’ve tried breaking things and smashing your way through your days filled with rage and hate at everyone and everything including yourself. How’s that been working?”

“Um. Not so good.”

“So, the question is, are you open to a different way? Are you willing to learn and apply what you’ve learned as if your life depends upon it? (and don’t answer me yet because I want you to think good and hard before you say yes) I also want to give you an example that you can test right now to see if you can understand what it means when I say, We create our own realities.

Here’s what I want you to do…

Think about your ex wife for a moment. When you think about her, how do you know you are thinking about her and not your truck?

“Well, I guess I have a picture.”

“That’s right you have a picture. Where is that picture?”

“In my mind”.

“Right. So this picture of your ex wife, where is it on what I call ‘your mental movie screen?’ Is it big and bright in the center or small and dim off to the edge?

“Well it’s big and bright in the center.”

“Interesting isn’t it? She’s nowhere near you, yet you are filled with her every waking moment because she is right in front of you in your ‘mind’s eye.’ That’s how we make ourselves miserable. We focus on stuff that makes us feel bad. But we do it unconsciously.

So, as you think of her right there close and bright and big and in the center of your mental movie screen. How do you feel?”

“Um,  shitty.”

“Cool. Now if you’re willing to play a little bit, let’s push her farther out and make her small and dim and even drop her down to the lower left corner of your mental movie screen. How does that feel?
More intense or less intense?”

“Less intense”

“Oh! How interesting. Now. I know this won’t last totally forever without a little practice, but to give you an experience of how powerful this simple little technique is, I want you to push her BEHIND you until she is a tiny dot on the far horizon BEHIND you.

How does that feel?”

“Oh my god. It’s a huge relief!”

“Good. Now I’m not suggesting that you KEEP HER THERE. Small, far behind you, dim, tiny, insignificant.
But I WOULD suggest that you put something else on your mental movie screen, front and center close and bright. Something that you would look forward to experiencing.

After the break up of my 2nd marriage almost killed me, I did this same technique. Got my ex off the screen and created a picture of AMAZING women waiting in line to meet me.

And you know what? “

“What?”

“It worked. Today I have several fabulous women in my life. Better relationships with each of them than any time in my life previous.

Try it today. Take whatever is driving you nuts and get it (or her) off of your mental movie screen. CREATE a vivid, bright, powerful, compelling picture of what you DO want. And pull that in instead.

FOCUS on that all day today. And notice how your day goes.

Chances are the old habit will reassert itself at some point so for a while you have to be vigilant.

Practice this. Consciously. Repeatedly. Intensely.

Eventually you will discover that there are even more tools that work just as well or better for you. You might want to learn them and practice them too…

And one day you will wake up to the fact that your life is full, and prosperous and happy and joyful and you will spend every single day living full out to cram as much life into your short time on this planet as you can….”

And then I woke up, wrote this down and posted it.

Now? I’m heading to the beach.

Peace and grooviness my friend!

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You can master this. You just need the right tools and a coach who can guide you in their use. So you can make your life magical, faster, easier, better.

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