Got an email today from a guy who is struggling like so many men with performance anxiety…
He told me upfront that he couldn’t afford to work with me one on one but that he would appreciate my help anyway.
So I took a few moments out of my insanely busy day to respond.
If you are struggling with this problem this could help. Again.
It is no substitute for actually rolling up your sleeves and applying my MASSIVE arsenal of transformational techniques to the GIANT throbbing sex organ that sits right between your ears, but, it might keep a few of you from totally giving up on your selves. so here is his email and my response follows. I also added a few of my comments in square brackets and italics [like this], so read the whole thing…
I left most of his spelling intact.
Here it is…
I would like to apologize, in advance, for my spelling errors and everything considering that matter… [one of my own daily practices is to stop apologizing all the fvcking time. I highly recommend you stop too… it communicates insecurity and low status, lack of confidence and other weak minded bullshit… and my original “programming” indicated that I should apologize for using such strong language… LOL fvck that!]
I saw every video you posted (part 1 to part 4) and was amazed how you just pointed out the similarities of what I experienced and what you described.
Sorry for Europe measurements [see my stop apologizing suggesting above]
1. Male (19 yrs old)
2. Regular Exercice (kick-boxing, consider myself bodily well built)
3. Height: 180 centimetres
4. Weight: 72 kilograms***Problem:I have been dating this girl for 5 months now, we are young, happy and we really love each other.
She is really thoughtful, considerate and patient.
She is a virgin, I on the other hand allredy had sex once-thats when the problem started.
Short Explanation on what happened with that first girl and me:
I was too nervous because it was my first time and wanted everything to be great (very unrealistic indeed), [it’s our expectations and attachment to things being a “certain way” that cause us problems] I wanted to give pleasure.
I was tired and did not manage to keep an erection long enough.
Put on a condom penetrated her and thats when the problem started, my hands became shaky, my heart beated super fast and I entered a fight or flight reaction mode. After that we broke up, I could not look her in the eyes, too ashamed and I had almost insisted that we should break up and so we did…
The Problem has spred from that first girl, with whom I broke up, and the current girl, which I am dating for 5 months.
Whenever we are together alone in the room I feel that anxiety pushing me, straining me, and I doubt myself.
I consider myself a very stable person, the one who goes “head-on” solving his problems, I see myself as an emotionally stable person.[it IS actually that simple but tell that to your Mind]
However I am in a constant disbalance now, i want to have sex with her and want to be the giver of pleasure and want to be with her and everything but I cannot do that because my erections don’t allow me. Wherever I look for solving my problem they say I should relax and have fun, but I think you know it is not that simple…
I talked about it with her, she is supportive and willing to help but I do not know how long she will be that way, that worries me [worry=anxiety which = thinking about what you do not want to have happen] because i love her really really much (I’m 19, you know what I mean) [I hate to say this but neither one of you know shit about love. :o) Think of this relationship as “training wheels”. I have a ton of shit to tell you about love my friend but perhaps at a later time]
Sometimes when I had allredy discussed this issue with her I feel more relaxed. At that point I think to myself I have nothing to lose and that’s when I feel like my erection could last a year. Because there is nothing pressuring me.
The time after that I feel like I must live up to my previous expectations and performances and that’s when the problem reappears.
It really helps my erection when I am behind her, in a better position than her, above” her. Whenever I am superior to her, more dominant (maybe that will give you insight to solving my problem)
My thinking does not help, I know I shouldn’t think and be relaxed but it is hard, at this point I am really scared and nervous I do not want this thing to persist and follow me throughout my life. I am healthy and young I should be enjoying life. [please note there are a lot of “should”, “supposed to” thoughts as well as focusing on what you do not want]
I absolutely reject any usage of whatever substances are there to help an erection, my problem is mental not physical. [cool]
I am really sorry to consume your time like this, this is not a joke I really need tips that can help me overcome this. One can simply say I am desperate, to say realisticly. Because I am realistic I cannot think positive and often fail at maintaining an erection, maybe that is the root of my problem, I really do not know…Therapy is almost not an option because I do not have enough money for that, I believe me and my girlfriend can solve this I just need extra support and a helping hand.
THANKS IN ADVANCE – R.W.
Here is my response…
Since money is an issue. I would suggest that you at least spring for my CRUSH anxiety program. For only $59 (for now) you can get ALL of my current programs on anxiety in one overwhelmingly powerful and supportive spurt… the 7 secrets in particular would be helpful for both you and your girlfriend to go through together… Even though the program is not specifically about performance anxiety in the bedroom, it’s all the same stuff. If you’ve watched my videos you will remember that anxiety is literally “focusing on what you do not want to have happen” and your body doesn’t realize that it is not but reacts as if it is.[BTW I’m hard at work right now massaging my MASSIVE, POWERFUL online “CRUSH Performance Anxiety Course” but it’s not done yet so my general course will have to suffice for now. Get it.]
Your unconscious mind does not know the difference between what is real and what is imagined. That’s why your body responds as if you are really in danger… so always focus on what you want.
The other piece of advice I can offer is to totally and completely let go of caring whether you have an erection or not. Sometimes you will sometimes you won’t. I’m 54 and depending on my work day or the time of day I may have more mojo than other times… so what? No one actually gives a shit… no one is walking around thinking Hmmm… I wonder if that guy can get it up for his girlfriend every single time? Hmmm what if he can’t get it up? … Hmmm Wonder what’s wrong with him?
Not bloody likely… Not even your girlfriend.
Everybody else is worried about what YOU think about THEM.
The bottom line:
You can pleasure your woman in so many ways in addition to “penetration with your penis” that it puts us men at a serious advantage when it comes to creating an experience of full body ecstatic sensation for her…
Set aside an entire afternoon or better yet MORNING with her. Have NO GOAL. Just mutual pleasure and discovery.
Explore all her erogenous zones… her neck, her inner elbows behind her knees… behind her ears… between her toes… make love with your heart and mind and HANDS… ALL OVER HER BODY…. no rush…. go slowly… you have all the time in the world…. nothing to prove…. just pleasure….
Gradually work towards her obvious sexual areas, breasts, yoni, etc…. again, no pressure because she has not yet EARNED your cock…. and you are getting pleasure from playing her body like a fine guitar….
Then lick…. nibble…. suck anything that might have nerve endings in it… LOL…. clit. labial lips…. tease her ass hole with your tongue….
So in other words forget about your dick for a while… get creative…. and by the way: STOP APOLOGIZING ALL THE FVCKING TIME! DON’T YOU DARE APOLOGIZE TO HER EVER AGAIN FOR WHAT YOUR PENIS DOES OR DOES NOT DO ;o)
Just enjoy your body and her body naked… with no damn “agenda.” Take your pleasure in causing her to lose her mind with sensation… all kinds of sensation…
Breathe with each other.
Look deep in to her left eye with your left eye…. then go back to kissing her neck….
Brush her lightly all over her body barely touching… then massage deep…. then back to lightly touching…
Lighten up. breathe. relax, enjoy her body… own it. she is surrendering to you. dominate and lead her… if at any point you are relaxed enough and she is wet enough for you to penetrate her with your erection… just slide it in…. but that is NOT the object. Mostly just forget about your dick. If she has to have penetration to orgasm (most women don’t), then use your fingers or get some toys…
Get over the idea that you have to perform… it’s not a performance… it’s a painting… layers and layers of different colors of sensation and tenderness alternating with teasing and challenge…. pain and pleasure, intensity and release….
Light strokes, heavy deep massage, little tiny pinches, spankings… bring her to the edge of orgasm and then stop… make her squirm with pleasure…
Begin to think of yourself as a budding artist… A STUDENT OF SENSATION. You are not a master yet. So what? Neither is she.
It will be there… when you get your mind in the right place…
And let me know how it goes.
All the best my friend.
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