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Overcome Shyness

How To Overcome Shyness Around Women Part 2

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women in bikinis
why let the bullies and jerks get all the hotties?

Ever wonder why the obnoxious, pushy jerks seem to have no problem getting hot women?

While you – kind, sensitive, caring, intelligent (maybe even talented beyond belief) but “shy” or “nice guy” end up always being put into the “friend” category? –

That’s if you’re lucky to even  show up on her awareness radar…

It’s because you CARE. huh?

This came as a huge shock to me because I was raised to be kind and caring. But the reality is that hot women have “kind and caring” guys following them around like puppy dogs all the time. They actually LIKE the jerks because the jerks are immune to being jerked around by women….

Do you see what I mean?

NOT LOGICAL. NOT LOGICAL. Well. Women are NOT logical. Something to remember ok? In fact you’re not so logical either but that’s a subject for another day.

REVELATION:

In fact as a shy guy, you actually have a secret weapon. I get emails all the time from women wanting me to help them understand the shy guy they are all hot and bothered about.

The fact that he doesn’t look at them or talk to them or chase after them has them all a-quiver… “he said hi to me once but now he won’t look at me… How do I break the ice and get him to call me?” “Should I call him?” “What’s he thinking about? Is he thinking about me?”

In some way the shy guy can have the same effect as the “jerk”! She is all flustered about him. And the cool thing is that this “shy guy” may be so insecure and so worried about what other people are thinking that he may not even be aware that SHE IS HOT FOR HIM!

So this week’s opportunity challenge for you is….

1. Stop caring so much about what other people (particularly women) think.

Easy to say huh?

But seriously, try this: Shrink them down in your mind on your mental movie screen so they are really tiny. Or, see them as little girls who are just so silly. Too silly to take seriously.

In fact they might even be downright annoying.

2. Pretend you’re playing the role of a shy guy in a movie.

It’s an act.

At the end of the day the director yells “CUT” you get to step out of the shy guy role and become a hot, studly movie star again. But BECAUSE you know how to do it, you can use it to lure chicks in and get them to ask YOU out!

3. Notice that there are gazillions of women all around you. Start saying “hi” to them. 

Yes.

Just say “Hi” and then start to say something else, but half way through the first word, interrupt your self and walk away. Trusy me, she’ll be intrigued about what you were going to say…

Tired of being clobbered by shyness around the women you’d most like to get to know?

How to stop being shy around beautiful women

Or if you want a bunch of awesome techniques to approach, pick up and seduce women (that you’ll probably never use until you overcome shyness first).

Got questions? I have answers and I want you to have them, so…

Let’s talk

How To Overcome Shyness Around Women Part 1

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In order to overcome shyness around women, we first have to get a bit more specific.

Is it shyness around ALL women?

Or is it just shyness around single, attractive young women?

Are there some circumstances where you are around a hot woman and don’t feel shyness? Or is the mere presence of an attractive girl enough to freeze you like a deer in the headlights of an oncoming semi truck?

The first thing you need to realize is that…

Shyness is a BEHAVIOR, not a DISEASE

There is no blood test for “shyness” or “Social Phobia” or “Social Anxiety” or whatever labels the drug pushing pharmaceutical companies have slapped on this behavior to try to sell us drugs.

The next thing you need to realize is…

Shyness is a LEARNED BEHAVIOR

At some point you hid behind your mother’s dress in the grocery store and someone said, “oh is he SHY? HOW cuuuuuuute!” and your little 3 year old mind just sucked that in. Later when you started liking girls you added a whole lot of other layers of fear, self criticism, judgement and plain confused adolescent hormonal baggage to that “identity.”

But you LEARNED it. All of it.

If shyness is NOT a Disease and if shyness is a LEARNED BEHAVIOR, then, you are NOT stuck with it and you CAN learn new behaviors that will result in overcoming shyness.

Tired of being clobbered by shyness around the women you’d most like to get to know?

How to stop being shy around beautiful women

Or if you want a bunch of awesome techniques to approach, pick up and seduce women that you’ll probably never use… (until you overcome shyness).

Got questions? I have answers and I want you to have them, so…

Let’s talk

From Shy Guy to Alpha Male

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I just finished reading a great e-book by a guy named John Alexander called “How To Become An Alpha Male.”

The key point?

“Whoever cares least controls the relationship.”

If you are a shy guy you need this book. Just get it! It’s actually a pretty ancient concept. You could even call it a cliche’ — but that’s why stuff becomes cliche’ because it’s TRUE.

To overcome shyness is one step in becoming an alpha male in the best sense of the word

If you are a shy guy I guarantee that you care massively what other people think about you.

That’s it in a nutshell isn’t it?

You’re so concerned about what other people think and that they might think badly of your or critically that you freeze up.

Am I right? Believe me. I KNOW you because I WAS you.

Real life example: the most alpha guy I know is just a freaking blast to watch and to hang out with because he is totally comfortable in his own skin, doesn’t give a shit what other people think about him and is quick to laugh off any social faux pas that he may incur.

He can be loud and uncouth, he likes to be the center of attention and he’s smart and successful.

He is unashamed of his maleness.

The beautiful thing about this guy is that he really and truly doesn’t care if you think he’s a jerk.

Women, including his wife, adore him. Well most women. Some women think he’s a loud obnoxious jerk, but guess what? He couldn’t care less what they think of him! I’m going to hang out with him later this week and maybe I’ll be able to get him to consent to an interview….

Next Example is my oldest son’s good friend Byron.

Byron is absolutely the most uninhibited guy I’ve ever seen. He’s not afraid to act gay, he’s not afraid to dress in women’s clothing, he’s not afraid to fall down and slobber on himself for a laugh. He’s evidently totally in demand in whatever nightclub or bar he goes in to. Forget about having a Ferrari to attract chicks.

This guy is a chick magnet!

Again, his power comes from not caring what other people think.

A personal example: when I finally decided to stop being shy and to stop worrying so much about what people thought of me while performing my music. Booom. A huge shift.

At one point I quit performing my songs altogether and started painting. The painting was cool because I didn’t have to perform it. I didn’t have to be present for people to either like it or not like it. I honestly didn’t care. I paint what I paint to please no one but myself.

When I returned to the stage I took that attitude with me.

Well guys…

It works with women big time

It’s easy to forget even in a relationship.

I don’t know about you but I tend to be a little bit of a “pleaser” and I can fall back into it if I’m not conscious about it. This book kicked my ass a little bit and I had a blast this weekend playing with a renewed “Alpha Attitude” around my girlfriend.

I stopped trying to please her.

At one point she was fussing about something and wanted me to fix this mosquito netting we have in the back yard. She wanted it higher. It was fine the way it was. I told her she was being “fussy” and I flatly refused to make it higher. She got a bit huffy about that!

Internally I just said my new “Alpha Afformations” and I played with this new “Alpha Attitude”. I let go of being concerned about her mood and let her get huffy.

“Whatever!”

Long story short…we had mind blowing sex yesterday… I played her like a musical instrument. Not caring whether I was “doing it right” or not.

Being alpha is seductive as hell.

How to stop being shy around beautiful women

Your Assignment (should you choose to accept it and I don’t care if you do or not) is to pretend for a day (or for the rest of your life), that what other people think is actually none of your business.

It might help if you get all “Jolly Green Giant” on the people in your life and see them waaaaaay down below you like little ants running around.

In other words, shrink down the relative importance of other people, their opinions and even their doings.

Here’s your “Afformations” for the day :

  • “Why am I an alpha male?”
  • “Why do I stop giving a shit what other people think of me?”
  • “Why do I choose to care what I think?”
  • “How would I respond to this woman or situation if I was an alpha male in the best sense of that term?”

Got questions? I have answers and I want you to have them, so…

Let’s talk

No Arms No Legs No Approach Anxiety

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Here’s a video I first saw posted by Ross Jeffries blog, and I found it on YouTube.

I think you owe it to yourself to watch it. It’s short. It’s encouraging. It makes a point that I think you need to hear more than anything else. It’s not about your clothes, your car or even your “game,” it’s about what’s going on In your mind.

If you are painfully shy and need help to stop being shy or coaching to change the old patterns and habits of belief and behavior that are keeping you lonely, reach out! Maybe Ross isn’t the right coach for you.

Maybe I’m the right coach for you.

How to stop being shy around beautiful women

You’ll never know unless you actually decide to do something and take action.

Got questions? I have answers and I want you to have them, so…

Let’s talk

Shy Guy Help For Relationship Hell

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Sometimes by some miracle, a shy guy gets pursued by a woman and ends up in a relationship in spite of his lack of social skills.

As I pointed out in my previous article, many women dig “the shy guy.”

But what often happens is that this guy ends up settling for a woman who is not really what he would have gotten if he had been in the traditional male role of initiator and leader. Ultimately, a man who has stepped fully into his masculinity enjoys being able to choose the women he wants rather than sitting around waiting for some woman to choose him.

Settling into a relationship from hell

Anyway, here’s what typically happens…

He is delighted that he doesn’t have to go through the hell of rejection with this girl. She wants him! She wants sex! She initiates everything. How cool is that?

He doesn’t have to work through his approach anxiety. She’s done the approach for him. Wow!

How empowering and confidence building.

But wait…

Since she is the initiator and the leader, she has no problem telling him what to wear (and after all she probably does know better than the guy what looks good on him). Next she starts telling him what to do…. and when to do it.

In short she ends up running this guys life

He starts to feel stifled and suffocated.

He starts yearning for someone “better.” Someone…less bossy maybe (or less likely to beat him up emotionally or physically if he starts edging towards the door). BUT he can’t. He feels stuck. Trapped.

Having no social skills, the idea of breaking up is excruciatingly frightening because if he breaks up with her, she may be mean to him. He may not get sex for a really long time. He may be lonely again.

It’s nothing short of a living hell.

How do I know all this?…. hmmm let me think… cuz once upon a time I WAS that guy.

Now your circumstances may be different but here’s the deeply spiritual bottom line.

It’s perfect!

It’s perfect for whatever you need to learn.

You need to learn to speak up? Wow! you can do that right here can’t you? You need to learn that it’s perfectly okay for you to want what you want and go for what you want?

Wow! You can learn that here too.

You also might be surprised that your current girlfriend, underneath her “pushy”, “bossy” dominant self is LONGING for you to step up and take the lead every once in a while or maybe more than once in a while. Well? You can learn how to do that here can’t you?

The other little piece of wonderment in all this is that a guy in a relationship is strangely more attractive to women than the guy who isn’t…It’s this weird social proof thing.

So….while in this unsatisfying relationship (what Ross Jeffries calls a “Real-Hate-Shun-Ship”) it’s time to practice saying “hi” to other women.  It’s time to practice your conversation skills. It’s time to practice transforming your thinking.

And ultimately you might even be surprised to discover that the pushy, bossy, domineering, nagging bitch you are currently with is that way because she isn’t getting what she wants from you either. So maybe you talk about it and part friends and you move on with some relationship experience under your belt.

Or something else happens…

You discover that she is actually pretty awesome and the two of you can work on your stuff together…

Either way you win.

Till next time. Take a risk today! Say hello to a stranger. Experiment. LEARN something new about yourself or the world today!

If the main issue is anxiety then you might want to check out Crush anxiety Now.

How to stop being shy around beautiful women

And if you are painfully shy and need help to stop being shy or coaching to change the old patterns and habits of belief and behavior that are keeping you lonely, reach out!

Got questions? I have answers and I want you to have them, so…

Let’s talk

For Women: How To Decipher The Shy Guy

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blueblondGot a great email this morning from Oslo, Norway!

For my shy guy readers: You definitely need to read this whole article so you can get it through your thick heads that a lot of chicks DIG you!

For the ladies: check out some thoughts and tips and resources for actually landing one of us (cuz we’re pretty amazing even if we don’t have all that “pick up” stuff down that those “bad boys” have)

Here’s the email:

I understand this is a site for shy guys, but do you have any advice, or can you point me to some helpful internet sites, for women who are trying to “decipher” the shy man?

Because I am really confused. I started to get to know this wonderful but very shy guy at work. We were slowly going forward, he was making more eye contact, waiting for me to approach him on the subway, walking together and small talking on our way to work. Then suddenly, after nearly 4 weeks of vacation (his), it’s back to awkward.

Stupid thing is, it’s contagious, so now I’ve lost my guts to keep coming by his office and doing the regular small talk. A couple of mornings, he’s actually run ahead of me right before I got to say hello.

I feel stupid but sad too, afraid that I’ve insulted or hurt him. I’ve only been nice, sweet and social towards him and have tried to get to know him better because I like him and find him interesting and attractive.

I understand that he is very shy, so I have been quiet about this around our colleagues, not making any scenes.

Now what do I do?

Sincerely,

Frustrated in Oslo

Here is my response…

Dear Frustrated in Oslo,

Here are a few of my immediate thoughts:

  1. Definitely good to not talk about this to colleagues. Definitely keep that up.
  2. Secondly, think about approaching your shy guy a bit like you would a wild animal. You have to be patient. Give him some space and then begin again from where you first started. Chances are he thinks HE said or did something stupid and freaked himself out.
  3. What is he good at? Can you ask him for help with something? I know it’s a classic. But a lot of shy guys are blisteringly smart and good at stuff women aren’t good at. Like fixing things. Unfortunately a lot of women just use them for this and I know as a shy guy I got put in the “Let’s just be friends” zone a lot when I wanted to be more than just a handy man. In the guy’s mind helping a woman can get attraction going and give him something to say because he goes “blank” a lot around women. So be subtle but give that a shot.
  4. The other suggestion is one I give to shy guys all the time regarding women. I think it works both ways. Make sure he is not the only prospect you have for potential romance. That takes pressure off of both of you. When you realize you have other options, you will be more relaxed which will enable you to not have so much attachment to whether or not you are doing the right thing around him.
  5. Another thought I have is one I often share with my shy guy clients and is one of Seduction Guru Ross Jeffries key concepts. Approach with the idea that you are there to learn something. Whatever happens you get to learn and grow. If something doesn’t work, just try something else. If this guy was a wild horse who had been badly spooked or hurt in the past, you wouldn’t take it personally if it didn’t trot right up to you after your first attempt to approach. Keep that mind set here.
  6. If he doesn’t wake up or open up, let go and move on. It’s not about you. A lot of us shy guys have our heads so far up our butts that we can’t even see you out there looking all pretty and seductive for us…

That’s all I’ve got for right now. I may revisit this topic as more thoughts come to me. But hopefully that’s a start.

For you Ladies (aka “Shy Guy Whisperers”), here are a few links that might help you a bit with the shy guy. You shy guys should read them too. I’ll explain why below…

Okay, why is this important for you shy guys to read up on?

  1. EXPLOSIVE REVELATION:  Women DIG shy guys! (duh!)
  2. You don’t have to become that swaggering, misogynistic asshole who you think you have to be to get all the hotties.
  3. If you could get your heads out of your butts long enough to notice, you’d actually notice that there are some amazing women NOTICING…. YOU!

I hope you are not offended by my describing you shy guys as having your heads up your butts. But I WAS you. I know this is true.

I’ve said it on many other occasions:
Shyness is being overly concerned with what other people think about you.

Most of the time those other people haven’t even noticed you exist!

Bulletin: You have a lot of amazing qualities that women value. Here’s proof from one of those articles above that you probably didn’t go and read like I told you to:

Ah, the Shy Guy: that rare specimen of man who you’ll never overhear  talking bragging about some meaningless hook-up. You won’t find him at parties or see him hamming it up for the ladies. He’s sweet, modest and avoids being the center of attention at ALL costs. Odds are, he’ll be the one sitting in the back of class, avoiding eye contact with the professor when he or she scans the room for a volunteer.

He’s pretty much adorable, really. Mysterious, intriguing, sensitive, endearing … a diamond in the rough (“the rough” being the obnoxious, macho guys that are just way too common in college). Shy guys are hot. Think Michael Cera. Mmmm.

Read the whole article here: How To Crack The Shy Guy

Is this thing on?

Anyway  now that I’m done ranting… I’d like to humbly ask you guys for some advice for the young lady in Oslo Norway who so kindly gave me permission to share her email.

What do YOU think she should do to get this shy guy she is sweet on to respond to her?

Please leave a comment below and I’ll make sure she gets it!

If the main issue is anxiety then you might want to check out Crush anxiety Now.

How to stop being shy around beautiful women

And if you are painfully shy and need help to stop being shy or coaching to change the old patterns and habits of belief and behavior that are keeping you lonely, reach out!

Interested in other hypnosis videos and self help programs? Got questions? I’m a real guy and I’m here for you with some honest answers so if you’d like to reach out and contact me that’s cool, let’s talk.